Off the Cuff

Though this may comes as a surprise to you, the thoughts I share within this blog are filtered. Well, the thoughts are filtered to some extent. However today, the filter is broken. Let the deluge of unfiltered thinking begin.

It started with the question (and thought) from a friend, “I was wondering what your plans were for the boys during summer and other breaks? It just occurred to me as I’m processing, once you are full time, you’ll have to add full time summer care to your yearly budget.”

My friend’s question was an excellent question. Having asked myself the same question time and time again, I thought I was ready for the situation to be brought to the surface. Come to find out, having my friend ask the question made me realize I was not ready. Skies are prettier in la la land.

Beginning August 2011, we will have both boys enrolled in a private school. Beginning August 2011, we will be paying for our boys’ education – and I don’t mean by paying taxes. Beginning August 2011, our finances will be hoovering within or near the red. Starting now, the knot grows in my gut.

“I know exactly where you are right now.” Another friend said to me. “I was there with my kids; what 18 year ago? I struggled with making sure my kids had best education, while making ends meet.”

My youngest starts Kindergarten in August; my oldest starts First grade. As it stands now, my oldest is enrolled in a wonderful Montessori school, and my youngest is enrolled in a wonderful private daycare. My oldest has started his school years thriving, and I’d like my youngest to do the same. I am at the crossroads: Public vs. private. Work full time vs. part time. Stay at home vs. work. So many questions and stages in life. And bills. We mustn’t forget the bills to pay in life.

I’ve approached my boss, letting her know that I have to either find another part-time job or leave my current part-time job for a full-time job. While some might consider me going to my boss with such news employment suicide, she and I had an agreement that we would give each other plenty of notice if either person were calling it quits. My boss has given me so much flexibility with my job, giving her notice is the least I can do for her. Plus, she is willing to provide even more flexibility, if I am able to find another part-time job.

As I deal with finding new employment to help with the pending bills, I am home with a sick child. My youngest has been sick for five days. A stomach virus has been making the rounds, and apparently my son answered the door when the virus came knocking. I took him to the emergency room three nights ago (with bucket in tow), and found myself surrounded by other parents with bags and buckets for their kids. Clearly, my son was not the only one to answer the call of the stomach virus.

My son will be out of daycare tomorrow – his fourth day at home. We’re going back to the doctor today, and he’ll more than likely spend the full week at home. Having a sick one at home, limits my productivity on my paid gig. My boss needs me to tackle things in the office, but I’m not able to go to the office.

School tuition. Limited funds. Need for more employment. Sick child at home. The knot in my stomach continues to grow.

“Why not let the boys go to the public school? The school in the neighborhood is a really good one.” Someone may say. “No.” I say. “I want the boys to go to the Montessori school. I know the boys belong there. I can’t explain it. I know we can’t afford it, but I also know it is in their best interest.”

We all make sacrifices, right? Who am I to whine? We have food, clothing and shelter. Plus, right now I have a sick kid needing my attention. I am grateful for the flexibility my current job provides, enabling me to be home with my kids when necessary. Being home is important right? So, should I let go of the flexibility of my current job and grab hold of a full time job to finance private school for the boys? A good education and school environment is important, too, right?

Off the cuff, I have no answers. For now, I’ll channel Scarlett O’Hara and think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day. Oh wait. My child just threw up again, and his fever has returned. Yes, we are off to the doctor again, ding dangity.