Today I shared the following thought on Facebook: “Raising kids is easier than being (and staying) married.”
I had the above “ah-ha” moment after a long conversation with my husband. The conversation was emotional though not angry, and like many of our conversations – there was no real closure, just a rehash of our struggles. While walking out of the room, once the conversation ended, I realized that while raising our boys has not been easy, keeping our marriage on the books has proven to be the biggest challenge. Hence, I say again, raising kids is easier than being – and staying – married.
Our marriage, like many, travels through peaks and valleys. Right now, we are living in a valley. And, during other valley-dwelling times, I tend to think getting divorced is our best option. For better (or worse), he disagrees with me. He admits he is not happy with how things are “today”, but he feels there is a foundation in our relationship that is strong enough to keep us together.
That sounds nice, and when/if we move our things out of the valley and closer to a peak, I will likely feel grateful he didn’t agree to a divorce. But for now, I find myself stuck in a rut with no end in sight.
Oh, this is Lenore, by the way. It’s been a few months since I last appeared in the blogosphere. I felt the need to quickly re-introduce myself. As I was saying…
Truth be told, raising kids is easier than keeping a marriage together, because parents are expected to “manage” their kids. More often than not, spouses do not appreciate being “managed”. Our boys will respond when I ask (tell) them to clean their room. When I ask (tell) my husband to clean the basement, I find push-back. My requests continue, as does the push-back, which typically leads to a conflict of some sort.
Oh, and this valley-dwelling time is not due to a dirty basement, though the basement could stand a good cleaning.
I shared two recent incidents with my closest friend. She was quick to point out that both incidents dealt with my husband being managed by me. The incidents were different, but the source of friction was the same.
Here’s the thing, I am expected to manage the kids. I am expected to manage the pets. I am expected to manage the house. I am expected to manage just about everything that pertains to my family, with the exception of my husband. And, since I am managing just about everything else in our life, I find it challenging not to manage him.
I find it funny how that works. Actually, I find it frustrating how that works.
So today I’ll accept the fact that raising kids – regardless of the challenges of the past, present, and future – is an easier job than being and staying married.
I didn’t run out on my kids when the times were tough with them, and I suppose I shouldn’t run out on my husband when our times get tough. It sure would be nice, though, if he would just let me manage him a little. I mean, the kids are turning out pretty good.