Hello. My name is Lenore, and it has been 16 days since my last post.
I access WordPress almost every day. I take a few minutes, scroll down the writers in my Reader, clicking on some – peeking quickly – and then, sometimes without reading a single word, I log off, and I am gone until the next day.
I am not writing, and I am barely reading. Yet so many of the writers I follow continue the course. Day after day, new posts are created, pictures shared. Part of me holds back reading, because their productivity causes me to feel that much more inadequate – unproductive. Part of me holds back reading, because if I visit then I should say hello, and then I may have to answer the question, “Why are you not writing? When will you be back?”
I am grateful they inquire about my writing. I am grateful they notice my absence. I know it is proper etiquette to say ‘hello’ when you visit, but oh – sometimes, I just want to open the door, take a peek, and leave it at that.
Then there is my writing…
I sit down and type a few words onto my laptop screen. I think “Today is the day I will write something for others to see. Today is the day that inspiration and time coexist for me.” And then, before the post is completed – before more than five words are typed out onto the screen of my laptop, my mind has drowned with thoughts of the etiquette, the rituals, the requirements, and the work. Once again, I realize my inspiration is not strong enough to make it happen. Once again, I log off, and I wait for tomorrow.
My blogging anniversary was this past Monday, January 14th. WordPress gave me a little automated nod, which I enjoyed. Alas, it was not enough of an inspiration to get me writing. There was no fanfare with my 3yr anniversary, no cake, and no flowers.
I admit. I’m a little sad that life seems continue both for me and my fellow writers even without my daily posts. When I began this journey in 2010, I never dreamed I’d stop. I was writing. I was doing something I had always wanted to do – write and share with others. And for three years, I did that over and over again. Then things changed.
At some point – at some time – it seems as though this blog, this thing that became so near and dear to me, changed over the course of 3 years. So true, I suppose, the writer has changed over the course of 3 years, too.
Honestly, I do not know what fills my time. Work, yes. Motherhood, yes. Wifehood, yes – whatever that means. But, I do not think it is the lack of time that keeps me from writing. The end of the year came with a heaviness that is felt when a loved one dies. The weather was as cloudy and gray as our hearts were feeling. The sun was gone – figuratively and realistically. Since the death of Rob’s brother, the days seem to just pass – one after the other, with little to no sparkle.
Coincidentally, during our ride home from school this afternoon, I noticed the boys giggling in the backseat. They were giggling hard. Their giggles were infectious, and I started giggling with the boys. Then I realized I was squinting. What? What is this that is making me squint? I wondered.
It was the sun. It peaked out for just a minute or two – while we were giggling. Who knows, perhaps we became intoxicated by the brief appearance of the sun. As quickly as the giggling started, it ended. And, as quick as the sun made its appearance, it hid again.
Rumor has it that the clouds are parting our area on Friday. Sunny skies are forecast Friday through Wednesday. Six days of sunny skies? Really? Oh, I hope. I hope, I hope, and I hope. And, something tells me, if the sun makes an appearance as forecast, inspiration will return to me, too.
Happy anniversary, Lenore Diane. Here’s to more writing, whenever you feel the need or find the inspiration.