Let me introduce myself (again)

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Hello. My name is Lenore, and it has been 16 days since my last post.

I access WordPress almost every day. I take a few minutes, scroll down the writers in my Reader, clicking on some – peeking quickly – and then, sometimes without reading a single word, I log off, and I am gone until the next day.

I am not writing, and I am barely reading. Yet so many of the writers I follow continue the course. Day after day, new posts are created, pictures shared. Part of me holds back reading, because their productivity causes me to feel that much more inadequate – unproductive. Part of me holds back reading, because if I visit then I should say hello, and then I may have to answer the question, “Why are you not writing? When will you be back?”

I am grateful they inquire about my writing. I am grateful they notice my absence. I know it is proper etiquette to say ‘hello’ when you visit, but oh – sometimes, I just want to open the door, take a peek, and leave it at that.

Then there is my writing…

I sit down and type a few words onto my laptop screen. I think “Today is the day I will write something for others to see. Today is the day that inspiration and time coexist for me.” And then, before the post is completed – before more than five words are typed out onto the screen of my laptop, my mind has drowned with thoughts of the etiquette, the rituals, the requirements, and the work. Once again, I realize my inspiration is not strong enough to make it happen. Once again, I log off, and I wait for tomorrow.

My blogging anniversary was this past Monday, January 14th. WordPress gave me a little automated nod, which I enjoyed. Alas, it was not enough of an inspiration to get me writing. There was no fanfare with my 3yr anniversary, no cake, and no flowers.

First Blog PostI admit. I’m a little sad that life seems continue both for me and my fellow writers even without my daily posts. When I began this journey in 2010, I never dreamed I’d stop. I was writing. I was doing something I had always wanted to do – write and share with others. And for three years, I did that over and over again. Then things changed.

At some point – at some time – it seems as though this blog, this thing that became so near and dear to me, changed over the course of 3 years. So true, I suppose, the writer has changed over the course of 3 years, too.

Honestly, I do not know what fills my time. Work, yes. Motherhood, yes. Wifehood, yes – whatever that means. But, I do not think it is the lack of time that keeps me from writing. The end of the year came with a heaviness that is felt when a loved one dies. The weather was as cloudy and gray as our hearts were feeling. The sun was gone – figuratively and realistically. Since the death of Rob’s brother, the days seem to just pass – one after the other, with little to no sparkle.

Coincidentally, during our ride home from school this afternoon, I noticed the boys giggling in the backseat. They were giggling hard. Their giggles were infectious, and I started giggling with the boys. Then I realized I was squinting. What? What is this that is making me squint? I wondered.

It was the sun. It peaked out for just a minute or two – while we were giggling. Who knows, perhaps we became intoxicated by the brief appearance of the sun. As quickly as the giggling started, it ended. And, as quick as the sun made its appearance, it hid again.

Rumor has it that the clouds are parting our area on Friday. Sunny skies are forecast Friday through Wednesday. Six days of sunny skies? Really? Oh, I hope. I hope, I hope, and I hope. And, something tells me, if the sun makes an appearance as forecast, inspiration will return to me, too.

Happy anniversary, Lenore Diane. Here’s to more writing, whenever you feel the need or find the inspiration.

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38 thoughts on “Let me introduce myself (again)

  1. I understand how you feel, my friend. I’ve been feeling a bit lost without my words so I made a conscious movement backwards, stepping away from the blog, until the inspiration comes on its own and I have something to share. Even if it’s something that doesn’t interest a lot of people like a book review. Maybe it will be once, twice or five times a week or maybe I’ll skip a week or two. I’ve gone back to blogging for me, because it’s fun, not because I have something to accomplish. So awesome to hear from you again (blogwise). xxoo

    • Isn’t this awful, Kim? I had such excitement for our co-blog, too. I still think it could work – we just need the universe to line up for us again. Um. Hurry up, Universe! Thank you for visiting, Kim. I’m glad I keep in touch with you in other ways, too. Please don’t go away.

  2. Oh, Lenore. Even when the darkness seems all consuming, the sun is always shining about the clouds. And your friends love you and understand why you need some time away. Inspiration will come back in its own good time. In the meantime, don’t try to force it. We’ll all be here when you’re ready.

    • You are so very kind, Jo. Thank you. I know if I forced a post it would not be worth sharing, and I would cringe when I looked back on it. It has to be natural for me to really have at it. As I told someone earlier, if I have the time, energy, and … hmmmm, I forgot what I said. D’oh. I suppose time and energy are sufficient. I mean, with time and energy, I am confident I could create something good. Energy being key. Hmmm…I seem to be rambling. Is this a forced comment? Ack. I hope not. 😀 Thanks again, Jo!!

  3. Happy Anniversary!

    Take your time … I have complete confidence in you that when the moment hits, you’ll be back and then some. Until then, rest up and enjoy that sunshine 🙂

    MJ

  4. Wrapping my arms around you with a big, gentle hug. I, too, can’t seem to write lately. So mired in grief. And sick as a dog right now. Maybe I’ll write about that. Sometimes when I want to post, but can’t write, I think about putting up a photo. A wordless post. Then I move on and forget. Happy belated anniversary my bloggy buddy. Inspiration will strike again. Sometimes we just need to rest. We are all still here.

    • Your warm hug was received and appreciated, Susan, thank you. I hope you are feeling better by now. Did you have the flu? Ugh, that knocked me out for a week, with another week to get back to 100%. No fun. Thank you for the belated anniversary wishes. Please accept this more-belated response to your comment. 🙂

  5. I loved it. It made me smile to see the clouds parting. And hello! And it’s okay, everything (writing, not writing, saying hi, not saying hi, feeling blue, giggling silly) is okay.

  6. Happy blog anniversary, Lenore. There is a writer in you, it just needs to collect its thoughts and find the new “normal.” One day all those frayed ends will fuse and the words will come. In the meantime, be wifey, mommy and dog whisperer, and know we are here for you whenever you are ready. BIG HUGS!

  7. I can relate, Ms. D… (I mean, not as a writer, because words hate me, but…) inspiration can’t be forced. And sometimes it’s not even about ‘inspiration’… sometimes it’s just about having the time… or the energy… or being in the right mood. And worrying about finding/forcing these things can just make matters worse (in my case, anyway). So… you know… just… don’t. Hahaha… I know, that’s a bit like saying, ‘Make the sun come out again’… but it will… it will.
    🙂

  8. It’s okay to take a break. I know after I finished NaBloPoMo in November, I was DONE. That was a post a day for a month. And you posted every day for a year!
    But then something will come along that you have to write about. Or, while you are taking a break, you’ll have time to read other blogs, maybe a few you’ve never read before. And reading those stories will spark a story in you.
    So, Happy Blog Anniversary! Sorry to hear about your cloudy days. Wishing you some sunny days soon. Tell us more when you are ready.

    • Thank you for visiting, CMK! I am so sorry it has taken me so long to respond to your comment. I sincerely appreciate you reading and commenting. I cannot fathom taking part in NaBloPoMo. I think it is the ‘forced’ feeling of writing that kills any and all inspiration. I commend you for tackling a month-long writing project. Well done! Hope to see you again. I will certainly pop over for a visit, too.

  9. Happy Anniversary, Lenore! I was getting worried that you were signing off, but now I think perhaps the sun is about to shine down on you and burn off the fog of winter, the fog of loss, the fog of fatigue.

    You’ve juggled an enormous load lately. I think you may even still be suffering the after effects of your 366 project. I know how taxing it can be to try to upload something every single day. It takes the fun out of writing or photography or whatever your focus is.

    And the very prolific nature of WP can be daunting. Sometimes I can’t bear to read everything and I find myself skimming, especially the longer posts. Then I feel guilty because I know how much work went into creating those longer, more thought provoking posts. But ahhh, it gets overwhelming. I understand. I think a lot of us understand.

    Don’t beat yourself up!

  10. Happy Blogiversary! I’m always happy to see you pop up in my google reader. 🙂 But sometimes, life and being sick and the general ebb and flow of inspiration mean that sometimes we go into a little lull. That’s okay though, because I can still pester you on twitter.

    Nice new look for 2013, too!

    • Thank you, Steve. I wish I was popping up more in the Google Reader. I have high hopes – I have high hopes – I have… Sorry, got carried away. 🙂
      Thank goodness for Twitter. You and Amy keep me entertained so very much. So much entertainment crammed in just 140 characters! Amazing! 🙂

  11. What is it about today? Carla at Random Braincells came back and you have come back after two weeks. Me — I too, have been gone for two weeks debating this Sunday’s post. Thank you for writing this — I am just overwhelmed right now — it’s cold, I like being by the fire, the semester has started and that’s a story in itself I won’t get into here…I too, have just stepped back for a while yet today was the day I came back and caught this by you — I could have missed it. That said — I have a special place in my heart for you and your writing — as you were one of the ones that got me rolling.
    True story just last week. My husband announced “The sun is shining.” uh-huh I just answered looking out the window as it poured down rain. “Yeah” he continued “it’s shining above the clouds.”

    • Georgette…I’ve yet to read your blanket post. I see it – I want to read it – but I my attention span is nil. Excuses, excuses. Actually, work is keeping me busy, along with the kids, and we had stuff taking place this past weekend, so my “Sunday Reading Day” did not go as planned. I hope to hide this weekend and catch up with my favorite bloggers – like you! Thank you for visiting.

  12. I went through a similar withdrawal from writing last year after the death of my brother-in-law Bob. Grief can be overwhelming and debilitating. Ours was compounded by the knowledge that Bob willingly ended his own life. It was months before I had the energy or the enthusiasm to write consistently again. Please know, Lenore Diane, that many, many people are praying for you and God’s strong arms will sustain you. I hope, and pray, that one day in the coming months you will wake up with a desire to write again. You have a lot to offer your readers. But for right now, you need to concentrate on yourself and your family.

    • Thank you for your kind words of support, Susan. My heart goes out to you with the death of your brother-in-law. Suicide is such a horrible, horrible thing. I hope you were able to find (and continue to find) comfort in your faith. Through prayer, I have certainly found strength, and I will keep you in my prayers. Thank you for visiting.

  13. Wishing you sunny skies to brighten your day and the gentle prod of the muse to lead you when it is time. I let myself off of the hook of my blog early on and decided the posts would be written when they were written. Whenever. Meanwhile I would write. Just write. Not always for others to see. Most of it just for me. My mother is in hospice now and the little writing that I am doing feels like the voice of my secret best friend. Happy Anniversary.

    • Stacia, you are in my thoughts and prayers. May you find strength in the voice of your secret best friend, family, friends, faith, and the beauty that does exist around you. Sending light and love to your Mom.

    • Colline, thank you for visiting. Lately I have sounded like a broken record. Even responding to comments is becoming a challenge. This is now way to run a blog. I think better time management skills are necessary, if I am going to get my act together.
      I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I am enjoying the time with the kids, even if it simply means doing errands for them. (smile)
      Regards, Lenore

  14. I missed this post. Now your comment on mine makes sense.

    I know what you mean. I think the desire/need to blog ebbs and flows like much of life. And that’s OK. If it becomes too much of a “have-to” it stops being fun. Just do what YOU want to do.

    I also know what you mean about the blah. It seems to be a universal problem this month – everywhere I look people are suffering from the doldrums. Do you think Global Warming has morphed into Global Blah-ing?

    • Hahahaha! Not sure why, but Global Blah-ing has me laughing. Maybe because I find it funny. I don’t normally laugh at things that make me cranky. Hahahaha. Oh, I slay me.
      Funny thing, Peg. I literally started a post yesterday after reading yours. Then, the more I chatted with you via the comments, the less cranky I felt, so the post will probably never get posted. Then again, who doesn’t like to read a cranky post once in a while, eh? 🙂

      • There’s nothing I like more than a good, cranky post. Makes me feel I’m not the only crab in the ocean, what with all the be-thankful-for-what-you-have stuff I read all the time. Bah.

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