The purpose of this post was to disclose two
unimportant important facts about myself:
1. I do not shower every day.
2. I dread and hate taking showers.
I realize the purpose of the post seems trivial, alas I felt the need to come forward. That is until all of that changed.
See, several months ago, my Gastro doctor found a cyst on my ovary, and he suggested I go see my OB/GYN and follow-up with her. Well, I wasn’t too concerned. So, I did not heed his advice.
In mid-January, I received a call from my primary physician. The office was reminding me to follow-up with my OB/GYN about the cyst and letting me know it was time for my annual physical.
I decided to follow the directions of my physician, and I made an appointment with my OB/GYN and my physician. Then it hit me.
Crap. I’m going to have to take a shower. Twice.
My first appointment was a quick trip to the lab for blood work. No shower required.
However, on the morning of my OB/GYN appointment, I knew what I had to do. Still, I wanted to stay in bed as long as possible, while Rob and the boys ready themselves for work and school.
At one point, I stuck my foot out from under the covers, gauging the air temperature. Immediately, I pulled my frigid foot back under the covers for safety and warmth.
I don’t dread showers during the warm weather seasons. Though stepping out of the shower on a day where the temps are in the high 90s and the humidity levels meet or surpass the 90s is not pleasant.
Once I realized I put off the dreaded chore as long as I could, I made a slight effort to get out of bed.
“Mommy! Are you in the shower yet?” My oldest yelled. The kids know I am slow to start, especially when a shower is involved. “Charlie’s in the other bathroom, and I have to go potty.”
“You can use ours, Joe.” I yell from the comfort of my warm bed. I am saved, if only for a few precious moments, by the kid needing the toilet.
Several minutes later, I mustered the motivation to take the needed shower. In fact, I shaved, too.
Donning fresh skin, a clean head of hair and a clean set of clothes, I made my way to the OB/GYN.
When I walked into the office, I expected to see streamers and confetti falling from the ceiling in celebration of my clean self. Sadly, I was simply greeted with a request for my insurance card.
After waiting for approximately 20-minutes, I was called back to the doctor’s office. “You don’t have a cyst on your ovary.” She said. “According to this report, your cyst is on your liver.”
Now, a normal person may hear the news and cycle through one of several emotions: concern about the cyst on the liver, relief at the lack of an ovarian cyst, or frustration with the fact she was mistakenly sent to the wrong doctor.
As for me, I was bummed. I showered and shaved for nothing. On the bright side, I wouldn’t have to shower the next day.
Later the same week, I was scheduled to have my annual physical with my physician. Again, I woke in the morning with the same dread I had earlier in the week. I needed to take a shower. That’s two showers in one week! Who lives like that?!
As was the case with my OB/GYN appointment, I donned fresh skin, a clean head of hair and a clean set of clothes, and I headed to see my physician. And, just like the OB/GYN office, streamers and confetti did not fall from the ceiling when I walked into the office. I was merely asked for my insurance card.
During my physical, the doctor reviewed my blood work, praising me for my great numbers with regards to cholesterol, iron, blood pressure, etc. Never once did she notice my freshly cleaned skin, fresh smelling hair and clean clothes. (Rude, if you ask me.)
I mentioned my visit to the OB/GYN and the fact that I was told I did not have a cyst on my ovary. (I considered sharing the fact that I showered and shaved for that visit, but I stopped short – fearing she would be jealous that I did not shave for this visit.)
The physician looked at me wide-eyed. Finally, I thought to myself. She’s going to notice I showered.
“Lenore,” she began. “You have a cyst on your liver, and that’s not a big deal. But, you also have a cyst on your right ovary that should be checked out by your OB/GYN. I’ll show you the report.”
Sigh. I was even wearing clean underwear and deodorant. How could all of this cleanliness go unnoticed?
My physician left the room, and she returned with the CT scan report. Just as my OB/GYN read from a report, my physician read from a report.
Seems my OB/GYN had the wrong report. I do have a cyst on my right ovary. No big deal, really. In fact, when I saw my OB/GYN she said, “If you did have a cyst on your ovary, I’d tell you were normal, and we would just keep an eye on it.”
I’m sure you would like the story to end here, alas – that is not the case.
You see, my OB/GYN annual exam is coming soon, and I will revisit the cyst issue with her during that appointment, with a copy of the CT scan in hand. All of that is fine and good, but what gets me is the fact that I’ll have to shower. Again.
Thank goodness I have the support of my spouse. He believes in me. In fact, just this morning he said, “”You can handle it, Dear. It’s just a shower.” Though really, until the hot water kicks in and again when the water is off, it is not just a shower – it is frigid nakedness. Brrrrr…