I showered for this thing.

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The purpose of this post was to disclose two unimportant important facts about myself:
1. I do not shower every day.
2. I dread and hate taking showers.

I realize the purpose of the post seems trivial, alas I felt the need to come forward. That is until all of that changed.

See, several months ago, my Gastro doctor found a cyst on my ovary, and he suggested I go see my OB/GYN and follow-up with her. Well, I wasn’t too concerned. So, I did not heed his advice.

In mid-January, I received a call from my primary physician. The office was reminding me to follow-up with my OB/GYN about the cyst and letting me know it was time for my annual physical.

I decided to follow the directions of my physician, and I made an appointment with my OB/GYN and my physician. Then it hit me.

Crap. I’m going to have to take a shower. Twice.

My first appointment was a quick trip to the lab for blood work. No shower required.

However, on the morning of my OB/GYN appointment, I knew what I had to do. Still, I wanted to stay in bed as long as possible, while Rob and the boys ready themselves for work and school.

At one point, I stuck my foot out from under the covers, gauging the air temperature. Immediately, I pulled my frigid foot back under the covers for safety and warmth.

I don’t dread showers during the warm weather seasons. Though stepping out of the shower on a day where the temps are in the high 90s and the humidity levels meet or surpass the 90s is not pleasant.

Once I realized I put off the dreaded chore as long as I could, I made a slight effort to get out of bed.

“Mommy! Are you in the shower yet?” My oldest yelled. The kids know I am slow to start, especially when a shower is involved. “Charlie’s in the other bathroom, and I have to go potty.”

“You can use ours, Joe.” I yell from the comfort of my warm bed. I am saved, if only for a few precious moments, by the kid needing the toilet.

Several minutes later, I mustered the motivation to take the needed shower. In fact, I shaved, too.

Donning fresh skin, a clean head of hair and a clean set of clothes, I made my way to the OB/GYN.

When I walked into the office, I expected to see streamers and confetti falling from the ceiling in celebration of my clean self. Sadly, I was simply greeted with a request for my insurance card.

After waiting for approximately 20-minutes, I was called back to the doctor’s office. “You don’t have a cyst on your ovary.” She said. “According to this report, your cyst is on your liver.”

Now, a normal person may hear the news and cycle through one of several emotions: concern about the cyst on the liver, relief at the lack of an ovarian cyst, or frustration with the fact she was mistakenly sent to the wrong doctor.

As for me, I was bummed. I showered and shaved for nothing. On the bright side, I wouldn’t have to shower the next day.

.:.

Later the same week, I was scheduled to have my annual physical with my physician. Again, I woke in the morning with the same dread I had earlier in the week. I needed to take a shower. That’s two showers in one week! Who lives like that?!

As was the case with my OB/GYN appointment, I donned fresh skin, a clean head of hair and a clean set of clothes, and I headed to see my physician. And, just like the OB/GYN office, streamers and confetti did not fall from the ceiling when I walked into the office. I was merely asked for my insurance card.

During my physical, the doctor reviewed my blood work, praising me for my great numbers with regards to cholesterol, iron, blood pressure, etc. Never once did she notice my freshly cleaned skin, fresh smelling hair and clean clothes. (Rude, if you ask me.)

I mentioned my visit to the OB/GYN and the fact that I was told I did not have a cyst on my ovary. (I considered sharing the fact that I showered and shaved for that visit, but I stopped short – fearing she would be jealous that I did not shave for this visit.)

The physician looked at me wide-eyed. Finally, I thought to myself. She’s going to notice I showered.

“Lenore,” she began. “You have a cyst on your liver, and that’s not a big deal. But, you also have a cyst on your right ovary that should be checked out by your OB/GYN. I’ll show you the report.”

Sigh. I was even wearing clean underwear and deodorant. How could all of this cleanliness go unnoticed?

My physician left the room, and she returned with the CT scan report. Just as my OB/GYN read from a report, my physician read from a report.

Seems my OB/GYN had the wrong report. I do have a cyst on my right ovary. No big deal, really. In fact, when I saw my OB/GYN she said, “If you did have a cyst on your ovary, I’d tell you were normal, and we would just keep an eye on it.”

I’m sure you would like the story to end here, alas – that is not the case.

You see, my OB/GYN annual exam is coming soon, and I will revisit the cyst issue with her during that appointment, with a copy of the CT scan in hand. All of that is fine and good, but what gets me is the fact that I’ll have to shower. Again.

Thank goodness I have the support of my spouse. He believes in me. In fact, just this morning he said, “”You can handle it, Dear. It’s just a shower.” Though really, until the hot water kicks in and again when the water is off, it is not just a shower – it is frigid nakedness. Brrrrr…

.::.

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67 thoughts on “I showered for this thing.

  1. This is so funny, I used to hate showers as a kid and would just end up taking baths and hated showers with a passion. I’ve grown to like them a lot more over time and I like baths less, go figure! And, I always make sure I freshly showered, shaven, and everything for my yearly exams and gyny exams too.

    • Welcome to my neighborhood, SarahNSH. I’ll have to shave (again) for the OB/GYN annual exam. *sigh* When my boys were babies – I loved the shower, because it was my quiet/relaxing time. Now that the boys are older, I have more freedom with where/how I find my quiet/relaxing time.
      I am glad you found this funny. I do hope my disclosure does not cause any upset stomachs. (smile) Thanks for visiting!

  2. Like Kim, I had to take this all in.

    Ok, here are my thoughts 1) you are hilarious 2) I also dread taking showers. I take one every other day, I only wash my hair every other day. I have super long thick hair, so washing it is quite the ordeal 3) I also wish confetti would rain down when I get all spiffed up to see my OB/GYN 4) please keep tabs on your cyst. I have been there, done that. Sure it may be ‘normal’ but just make sure you take care of it. And that the CT scan you have is in fact YOURS. I have a long story to tell you about a misdiagnosis that went on for years and I ended up with surgery and one less ovary.

    • I will keep tabs on my cyst, Darla. I genuinely appreciate your concern. I had the CT scan done in the first place, because of horrid pain on the right side of my abdomen. The doctors were ready to take out my appendix, but it was not the appendix. I still don’t know the cause. However, the CT scan done after the fact revealed a cyst on my right ovary. I then figured the pain was due to a previous cyst bursting. Who knows. In any case, I will take the CT scan to my OB/GYN, and I’ll make sure it is monitored.

      P.S. You’ll still be my blogging buddy, right? My lack of showering hasn’t changed that – right? Right Darla? 😀

      • Ugh! Yes, even the smallest cysts can be excrutiatingly painful. God, I feel for you, I really do. I have experienced that a few times.

        Hang in there and good luck with all that extra showering. 😉 I think if you told me you never showered, I would still be your blogging buddy for two reasons 1) You are awesome and 2) You live so far away from me I wouldn’t mind the smell.

  3. Laughed out loud at this: “When I walked into the office, I expected to see streamers and confetti falling from the ceiling in celebration of my clean self. Sadly, I was simply greeted with a request for my insurance card.”

    No trumpets? No fanfare?? Sheesh, what were they thinking??

    I hate those visits … but I don’t mind showers. I prefer a slow, lazy bath if there’s time .. which … there hardly ever is.

    MJ

    • Thanks, MJ. I found it quite rude that both offices spared the pomp and circumstance. Clearly they don’t realize what a big deal it is for me to shower.
      I hope you find more time for slow, lazy baths. THAT is something I could do without hesitation.
      Thank you for visiting!

  4. I too, have to take this all in. You do what you need to. Keep your appointment and monitor this. Maybe you should indulge yourself with a bubble bath…yes…my daughters gave me all this bath and body stuff for a reason…to take care of myself…you too, OK?

    • When the weather gets a little warmer, I’ll indulge myself with a bubble bath. The idea is lovely – but a chill is sent down my spine at the same time. 🙂
      And no worries, I’ll keep the appointment, while keeping tabs on the cyst. Here’s to taking care of ourselves, Georgette! Hugs, my friend.

  5. Sigh. If only health care professionals knew how much effort goes into preparation for our visits with them. Surely confetti, fanfare, and balloons would be extended.

    I love a hot shower or soothing soak in a nearly scalding tub. But I hate being cold and wet. I think it comes from being neglected as a baby (my grandmother told me I was often left in wet diapers – my teenaged mother was ill-equipped to handle child rearing duties). I would whimper until I was cleaned, dried, warmed up and snuggled.

    At least here in the blog-o-sphere, we can’t see or smell you, which makes it nice if our cubicle neighbors are, shall we say, aromatic?

    • Oooooh — wait until they invent Smell-o-vision. Awesome!
      Thank goodness I work from home. Oh, and thank goodness my boss isn’t a fan of showering, either. When I have to go to her house – we have a tendency to announce whether or not we showered. We’re a perfect match! (smile)

      I am so sorry you neglected as a baby, K8. I hope the snuggles were frequent.

    • I emailed you directly, Amy. Thank you for your concern. Rest assured, I am truly hardly concerned. This post was 100% written with humor in mind. Originally, I was just going to talk about my disdain for showering, but the comedy of errors with the doctors seemed to add so much to the story. 🙂 Thank you for visiting!

  6. I’m happy to know that you are perfectly able to maintain your outrageous sense of humor even with potential bad news and contradictory physicians.

    Like JMP, I feel prickly if I don’t get my morning shower. But I applaud your wate conservation routine. More of us should follow your lead, wonder what kind of following we’d get from the, ah…odor… just kidding.

    Do badger those dang docs into double checking their records. What a bunch of nimrods. And good luck with the cyst thing.

  7. I sure hope everything turns out okay, Ms. D…
    from your description it sounds like in all likelihood it should, so that is a relief…
    beyond the freezing shower, that is…
    I mean… is it spring yet? Seriously!
    🙂

  8. This is too funny. I love showers, although I don’t get in until the water is good and hot. Getting out is another story. I could stand under the hot water until I shriveled up. My big concern would be, “Is the OB/GYN gonna charge me for another office visit?” This one should be on him/her since he/she messed up.

    • I am happy to say, my OB/GYN did not charge me for my visit with her. Something tells me she won’t be so kind during my annual exam. 😀
      Thank you for visiting. I am glad you found this funny.

  9. Someone needs to buy you an affirmation Soap-On-A-Rope. One that can talk you through your morning shower. 🙂

    Sorry…I meant weekly…weekly shower. Or whenever the toe jam gets to be too much.

    • Blogdramedy – if you send me a soap-on-a-rope I may actually be inspired to shower every day. Especially if you get a cute little animal. Send two of each one, though. Otherwise, I’ll get too attached to the cuteness and not want to use the thing. (Yeah, yeah – add it to my list of crazies.)
      Nice recovery on the frequency of showers. 🙂 P.S. I showered today. Seriously. Used soap, too.

  10. I think you and my son have a lot in common. Maybe you all could start some kind of no-shower commune or something. You could burn shower curtains and bath towels!

    • Ha! I love the idea! Though, if all towels were destroyed I’d never, never shower. The towel is my saving grace, as I use it to warm up as quickly as possible. Now – the shower curtain?! Get rid of ’em. They just attract mold and mildew. 🙂 Thank you for reading, Janice.

    • Yes! I had long hair – and that deterred me from showering even more! Now that I’ve cut my hair, the combing and drying the hair is less of a pain. However, the shower thing is still an issue. 🙂 Hmmm… setting a good example for the kids. Good point. I’ll have to keep that in mind.
      Thank you for visiting, Kate! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

  11. I hate stopping what I’m doing long enough to get in the shower, but once I’m there I never want to get out.

    I’m the definition of inertia.

    I hope your cysts are nothing and cease to be a bother for you!

    • Ha! Now I can relate to that, Mama Mash. Dreading the shower and then not wanting to get out of the shower… yes, I have experienced that feeling on more than one occasion. Thanks for the well-wishes on the cysts. I’m among many women who have cysts. What a club! (smile)

  12. Showering is so inconvenient. I’m pretty sure I take the fastest showers in the history of shower takers. Unless I have to shave my legs. Or wash my hair. God. Hygiene is such a pain in the ass.

    • It IS a pain in the butt, January. And if I have to shave…. gracious, I’ll put the shower off even longer. Thank goodness I am married and not out on the market. I’d actually have to put an effort in to my hygiene. (smile)

  13. What a nightmare! I’ve had cysts on my ovaries in the past…hurt like hell when they burst. I’m hoping yours slowly shrink away. Please keep us posted on the cysts and the showers. I hope you bought yourself a nice pint of Ben & Jerry’s for your trouble.

    Anna was in the shower for a half an hour last night. I thought Tom was going to have a heart attack. “Nancy, do you realize how long she’s been in there?!? You’ve gotta get her out of there. Have you seen the water bills lately?”

    • I had horrid stomach pains back in August. Hindsight 20/20, I’m guessing it was a ruptured cyst. We’ll see what the OB/GYN says during my annual exam. I’ll have the REAL facts with me that time. (smile) And yes, Nancy – I most certainly had ice cream handy. Two nights in a row!!

      If I am shaving, I take long showers. I always warn Rob… I’ll be in the shower longer than normal, because I have to shave. I laughed at the fact that Anna takes long showers. If the water is just the right temp – I can understand her lingering. My neighbor has to set the timer for her son – he tends to take overly long ones, too.

    • Hello, Jennifer! Thank you for coming to my neighborhood. Even if you smell from a lack of showers, I’ll still invite you in. (smile) If I could warm up the whole ‘getting in and getting out’, I might dread the shower a little less. Until then… I’ll not shower every day. 🙂

    • Hahahaha! That’s funny, Ellen. And, when I see the clock is 6AM, I’ll smile and snuggle under my electric blanket thinking, “Man, it sucks to be Ellen. She’s has to take a shower today.” Hee, hee. Thanks for visiting!

    • I did take a shower, Laura. And the best news?! I can skip the shower tomorrow!! Woo hoo!!!
      Cysts. Meh. A pain – for certain – but there are worse things. (like showers.)
      Thank you for coming and visiting my neighborhood!

  14. Wow, I’m trying to put myself in your shoes but…I absolutely love taking showers. In fact you can hardly get me OUT of the shower. Thanks for the giggle though. (-:

    • Bragging is not becoming, Ado. (I’m kidding.) In the warmer months, I don’t dread the shower as much. But … well, it’s a chore for me. The nakedness, the cold, honestly – there are other things I’d prefer to do. Glad I made you giggle. I appreciate you visiting the neighborhood. Thank you!

  15. A kindred spirit! I, too, hate showers. With a passion. Since I was a kid. We’re definitely in the minority, so we should stick together. 🙂

    Hilarious post. Coming from Yeah Write.

    • Hello, Katie. Thank you for stopping by my neighborhood. We should stick together – though that may make the odor a little too intense, you think? Meh, we’ll cancel each other out. (smile) Thanks again for visiting. I happy to have found a kindred spirit. 🙂

  16. I hate shaving. I hate it. And I have to shave every time I get in the shower because I don’t know what the point of showering is if I don’t shave. Sure, there’s the option of shaving over the sink, but my skin is dry enough without adding to the problem! Anyways, shaving makes showering a pain in the butt!
    There absolutely should be pomp and circumstance every time you walk into the doctor’s office!! Especially if they’re going to be talking about your special lady innards! You know what… Even if they’re not talking about that=)
    Hope things turn out for you on the cyst front. Had one burst on me once and yeah, it’s painful. What’s with the cyst on the liver though? Did I miss something? Is it there? Was the OB/GYN mistaken?

    • Kathleen, I hate shaving, too. Did I include that ever an always important fact in my post? I should have.
      You raise a good point – if you aren’t shaving, what is the point of showering. Great, now I’ll have to shave every time I take a shower. Gee. Thanks. (smile)
      Thank you for coming to my neighborhood and visiting. The cyst on the liver is no big deal. It’s been there for years, and no one has showed any signs of concern. Quite the opposite – they tell me it nothing to worry about. Now the cyst on the ovary… no big deal, supposedly. Though, as you know, when they burst – it hurts.

  17. chosenchaosblog

    Love the sticking the foot out of the covers thing! I do that too. I love showers though, it’s usually the only 5 minutes of solitude I get in the day. I try to make it 10 but somewhere around 7 or 8 the door usually gets broken down.

    • There is the solitude that comes with showering, Chosen Chaos – you make a strong point. I’m fine once I am IN the shower, warmed by the hot water. But, the instant the water is turned off… the misery begins again. 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

  18. I think if you skip the shower just once, they will have confetti and streamers the next time you enter showered. Works for me, anyway. I had forgotten about the ovarian cysts. Thanks for bringing that up. Now I’ll have something to talk about in the creepy quiet elevator.

  19. Such unnecessary torture for you! And no fanfare? Uncivilized! I wish I could infuse my love of and craving for the water droplets massaging me all over, while the aromatherapy of my homemade soaps totally inspires me. Seriously, I brainstorm like a pro when I’m showering with a bar of Lavender or Lemongrass soap. I have noticed, that I enjoy showering more since I chopped my hair off, and drying it is a snap now. Hope those cysts have the courtesy to shrink up and go away.

    • Oh I brainstorm, M2M. Still, the brainstorm does not motivate me to shower. Although … maybe if I purchased a new shower head. If the water droplets came down like a rain shower – well, that might be kind of nice. I like the idea of a lavender soap, too. You may have infused me with your love of showers, M2M. 🙂 Thank you for reading and visiting!

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