Dear Diary. Of course, by the term ‘diary’, I do not mean the traditional bound book with a lock and key. HA! That makes me laugh. A blog diary is as if someone has left their traditional diary out and open for all the world to see. What lock? What key?
My husband and I have started writing words of the day on our mirror. He has a word of the day, and I have a word of the day. His word of the day yesterday was ‘Timesheets’, because he needed to get them done for work. Yesterday, my word of the day was ‘Goodness’, which could be used many ways. And today, my word of the day is NordicTrack. I have one. A NordicTrack, I mean. It’s right behind me – over there. See it?
I need to use it today. I need to use it today and just about every day. Exercise is important for everyone. And, well, exercise would do me a great deal of good in so many ways. Since starting this blog, I am realizing more and more that writing, babbling and NordicTracking are all things I enjoy. Yes, I do enjoy the NordicTrack. Have you ever tried it? It’s a great machine. Really. It’s fun. Anyone who wants to hire me to do an infomercial about it, feel free. Though, I need a few weeks to get back into shape. Ooo! I could be a before and after example! Yeah! Great idea! Ok. So, call me NordicTrack infomercial people, OK? I’m waiting.
I will use the NordicTrack today. I will. I want to use it. I haven’t really wanted to use it in a long time. I’ve left it set up where everyone can see it, in hopes I’d find inspiration. But, the inspiration wasn’t coming. Until today. The music is playing, my blood is flowing and I am writing. Life is good. I am feeling inspired again. And, with inspiration comes exercise. At least for me.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my marriage has been struggling for the past 3yrs. Much of the struggle comes from my battle with depression. I’m taking medication now, which is something I fought for a long time. Even with the medication, I found myself struggling. I wasn’t interacting with folks. I wasn’t going out and doing things. And, yes, it is common for those suffering from depression to shut themselves off from the world. I’m not sure what has happened lately. I’m on the same medication, and there hasn’t been any big changes in my life. Still, I feel better. I’m a bit apprehensive and nervous, because I’ve felt better before and found myself spiraling back down again. This time, though. This time feels different. And, I think it is because of my friends – the 3 Musketeers.
I don’t talk with the 3 Musketeers on a daily basis, and I don’t see them every day, either. In fact, I haven’t seen Andrea HT in what – 5yrs? Still, these gals are always around. And, we may go months without speaking, but the instant we talk or write each other, it’s as if we spoke yesterday.
Recently, I really reached out to these 3 Musketeers. One by phone, one by Facebook and one in person. And, I am connected to life again. I found my spark, again. The 3 Musketeers know I am a chatterer. They know I am crazy. They know I talk way too much and share too much. And, every now and again, they may advise me to pull back on my babbling reigns. But they know me, and they support me. And, they hear my voice. Because I know they hear me, I am speaking again. I’ve been silent for too long. My friends have always been there, but I forgot they were willing to listen. I just kept quiet. And, in keeping quiet, the depression took over me. And, with the depression, my marriage struggled. And, as my marriage struggled, I began to withdraw more. The vicious cycle was cycling.
Well. I’m changing the cycle now. I’m taking back my voice, in the sense that I am using it again. I am speaking. I am writing. I am living. And, I believe as I continue to speak, write and live, I will have more control on the depression. And, as I have more control on my depression, I will be better equipped to rekindle my marriage. Baby steps. I don’t want to get ahead of myself. But, I am ready – really ready – to start taking baby steps. My writing is off to a great start. Even if you don’t enjoy what I am writing, it is therapeutic for me. And, my writing is inspiring me to do more – like exercising. Yes, I will use my NordicTrack today. And, I am thankful for this outlet. This internet-driven blog. You are a saving grace, Dear Diary.