Tag: Humor

My 100th Post: The Interview

~ Lenore Diane ~ 7 Comments

Since January 2010, Lenore Diane has put forth an effort to post entertaining thoughts regarding her take on life. To mark her 100th post, she decided to sit down with herself to ask and answer questions about the past six months. Wearing black, cropped pants and a purple shirt, she sits and answers my, er, her questions.

So, this is your 100th post. Are you surprised you’ve written so much?
Surprised? No. I have an incredible ability to babble. You’ve heard the thought, ‘Dance like no one is watching’, right? Well, I write and talk even if no one is reading or listening.

Do you think you have a following of readers?
I know one of my sisters reads my blog regularly. And, I know a friend that checks in every now and again. Aside from those two folks, I’m not sure I have followers per se. The stats show I am getting hits, so that has to count for something, right? I can only hope those who find me will come back again and again.

When do you get your best ideas for posts?
Well, when I go to bed at night, my mind becomes inundated with blogging ideas. And, every night, I go to bed convinced I’ll remember my idea in the morning. And, every morning, the idea was lost in the night.

Why not keep a writing pad and pen by your bed?
Gee. Great idea, Genius. I have a handy dandy notebook and pen that I try to keep with me at all times, including on my bedside nightstand. Unfortunately, I often forget to grab the notebook and/or I forgot where I had it last.

So, you’re very organized, eh?
HA! You’re funny. Have you read my post ‘Hiding the Junk’? I make no claims to being organized.

Out of the 99 posts, do you have a favorite?
Yes.

Ok, smart ass. Which post is your favorite?
Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I like the post about my Dad, written to coincide with my niece graduating from college. Oh, and I liked my Ode To Amherst Shore. Hmm … I guess I don’t have a favorite, rather I have several I like more than others.

What do you hope to accomplish with your written posts?
Well, my followers will know this answer.

I’m sorry, you mean, assuming you have followers.
Whatever. My hope is to entertain, enlighten and encourage. Though I really don’t know what I want to encourage. I just wanted to name a third thing starting with ‘e’. I’d also like to be published. I believe I have produced some good posts, though it may be obvious that I lack an editor. Still, I believe, with the help of an editor, I could produce an excellent publication of posts.

Do you think you are funny? And, do you try to use humor in your writing?
Yes, I think I am funny, and I definitely try to use humor in my writing. My reality is that I crack myself up all the time. I come from a family of folks that crack themselves up all the time. We laugh at our own jokes, and we are completely OK with the fact that others aren’t laughing. My heart goes out to the folks who don’t laugh at our humor. We are some seriously funny people! HA HA! See?! Made me laugh. *sigh* ‘Oh me’

What haven’t you written about that you know you will write about in the future?
Ooo, I love that question. I don’t know. I have covered so much territory already. I’m not sure what is left, but I’m certain I’ll find something. Maybe I will write in greater detail about my fears.

Ok, let’s go with a lightening round. Quick and short answers, please. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Seriously? What – are you Barbara Walters? This is completely cheesy.

Ya think? You’re the one writing this post. Now please, just answer the question.
*sigh* Any evergreen tree.

What’s one thing folks don’t know about you?
My weight; it changes frequently based on my consumption of ice cream during any given week.

You’re not very good at short answers. Name your favorite holiday.
Thanksgiving

What’s your favorite color?
Orange

What is your dream car?
Mercedes. Any model. Consumer Reports always ranks them high on their automobile lists. And, Mercedes does well during the crash tests. Wait. Based on your facial expression, I’m guessing my response is too long?

Well, we have come to the end of our interview.
Oh. Please ask me another question.

Here's to another 100 reflections of life

Seriously. People follow you? *sigh* Okay, what did you make for dinner?
When? Last night?

Oh my gosh! Who cares?!
I don’t know. Maybe my followers?

Ugh. Just answer the question, what did you make for dinner last night?
Nothing. We went out to a restaurant.

Wait. Let me guess. You were trying to be funny and amused yourself, right?
*giggle* Yeah. I really do crack myself up.

.:::.

My Memo to Mother Nature

~ Lenore Diane ~ 1 Comment

Lenore Diane’s
Thoughts Exactly

MEMO

To: Mother Nature
From: Lenore Diane
CC: Blogosphere
Date: May 26, 2010
Re: Your Monthly Visit
________________________________________________________________

You are expected to knock on my door within the next 5 days, though you’ve been known to be early, as well as tardy. I am not someone who dreads your visit, except when I was actively trying to get pregnant. In fact, aside from trying to get pregnant, I have always welcomed you with open arms. Moreover, Mother Nature, I have always considered you to be a gift; though the instant the advertisers took hold of and marketed ‘the gift’, my fondness for the term lessened.

As you near my doorstep, my mood becomes increasingly agitated. Why Mother Nature? Why do you play with the hormones of women? Are women not moody enough for you? Why must you create a state of added wee-honkness? We can handle the cramps. We can handle the bloating. We can handle the backache. But increased moodiness? You’re playing with fire, Mother Nature.

And Mother Nature, please. Would you kindly send us some good advertisers to promote the products needed during your visit? It is not clear to me what the advertisers are thinking, when they put together various ad campaigns and slogans. I am afraid the advertisers don’t take into consideration that women tend to be cranky when you arrive. Speaking personally, the shiny happy faces promoting feminine products feeds my crankiness. These women are not shiny and happy, trust me.

Mother Nature, Tampax suggests women use their tampons, “So [one] can keep shining, whatever your “weather” may be?” Tampax also has a product line called ‘Tampax Pearl’. Pearl? Are women suppose to equate feminine protection to pearls? Not sure about most women, but I prefer to wear my pearls as a necklace or earrings. I see no reason to incorporate pearls with my cycle. Although, perhaps I would have a ‘happy period’ if I wore my pearl earrings and necklace during your visit, Mother Nature.

And, Always’ marketing campaigns? Oh Mother Nature, how I have ranted about Always. [‘Happy Period’? Don’t get me started.] Well, I noticed Always has a new tag line for their liners. Supposedly, Always’ liners “Keep you centered.” Really? So, if I am finding it hard to balance my life, all I have to do is wear an Always liner and I will feel centered?! Amazing! Perhaps finding balance isn’t a myth, after all!

Mother Nature, I know this is not a traditional memo. My apologies. Still, I wanted to write you and express my frustration. And, since your arrival is nearing, it should come as no surprise that I am feeling frustrated, eh? Mother Nature, I request sweetly, please reach out and knock some sense in to the advertisers of feminine products

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to try and reign in the cravings that hit this time of the month, while doing my best to be a shiny, happy woman. Approach with caution.

Fun’ny’ Friday

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

While enjoying the morning of Mother’s Day, Joe scurried around handing me cards and small gifts. One of the lasts gifts he gave me was his Leapster. “Mommy,” he said. “For Mother’s Day, you can use my Leapster whenever you want today, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. But, you have to stop using it on Sunday.”

***

Last Thursday, Rob and I learned a neighbor was struggling with financial issues and house repairs. In an attempt to to fund the house repairs, the neighbors were having a yard sale and looking for donated items to include in the sale. We immediately went through our things and pulled out items to include in their sale.

While in the kitchen, I opened the cabinet where we keep most of our pots and pans. I asked Rob, “What can we do without in here?” Without skipping a beat, he answered, “All of it.”

We laughed. Though we have several pots and pans, we use the same two pots nightly: one pot for the canned vegetable, and one pot for boiling water for the mac n’cheese. Go ahead, send your condolence cards to Rob, as his wife neglects him, culinarily speaking.

***

As I have said, driving to swim lessons makes for fun times in the car. I enjoy hearing Joe and Charlie chatting back and forth. Joe, true to his big brother role, tries to teach Charlie many things. Last night, while tucking Joe in bed, he said “Mommy, tomorrow we need to teach Charlie the difference between today, yesterday and tomorrow.”

Earlier this week, both Joe and I were trying to teach Charlie right and left. While driving down a curvy road, Joe said “Charlie, now the car is going left.” “Well,” Joe added, “the back of the car is going right.” Something tells me, Joe may have lost Charlie with that added bit of info.

***

On my way to work, I drive by a high school. As one might expect, traffic is slow around the high school in the morning. I don’t mind the slow pace of traffic, because it gives me a chance to check out the latest clothing styles, based on high school students. And, it is quite entertaining to observe the various styles or lack thereof.

Good shoe fashion, especially the style on the right.

I am not hip to fashion or style. My dressing attire is often bland and ordinary. Come Spring and Fall, I get kinda crazy and wear socks with sandals. [Happily, my boys have picked up on my socks and sandals fashion sense.] I understand socks with sandals are frowned upon by many. That’s fine. And, though no one asked for my opinion, I believe the socks with sandals look is far better than some other shoe styles I see.

Flashy sneakers, untied and too big – this is a hip look? Really? Worn-out, flattened flip flops dragging across the ground. Really? That’s a stylish look that is better than socks with sandals? I don’t get it. Though, I do remember a guy in high school, Ben. He was (still is) older than I, and he wore flip flops to school. I remember thinking his flip flops were cool. Unlike the flip flops I see on kids today, Ben’s flip flops were thick, leather flip flops. [Why do I even remember Ben, Class of ’85? Goodness knows, he doesn’t know me. *sigh*]

***

Well, that about does it for me today. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. We have a great deal planned here, which may make for some interesting babbling next week. Or not. I’ll end with a joke I heard on Sesame Street this morning [don’t ask].

A bone shares a joke with Matthew Fox and Elmo:
“What do you call a bone with two scoops of ice cream on it?” The bone asks.
“I don’t know,” answers Matthew. “What?”
The bone responds, “An ice cream bone!”  ba’dum bum. (No, I didn’t get it either.)
Then Matthew says, “Oh, that must be a funny bone.” ba’dum bum, ching!

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all weekend. Toodles!