My Memo to Mother Nature

Standard

Lenore Diane’s
Thoughts Exactly

MEMO

To: Mother Nature
From:
Lenore Diane
CC:
Blogosphere
Date:
May 26, 2010
Re:
Your Monthly Visit
________________________________________________________________

You are expected to knock on my door within the next 5 days, though you’ve been known to be early, as well as tardy. I am not someone who dreads your visit, except when I was actively trying to get pregnant. In fact, aside from trying to get pregnant, I have always welcomed you with open arms. Moreover, Mother Nature, I have always considered you to be a gift; though the instant the advertisers took hold of and marketed ‘the gift’, my fondness for the term lessened.

As you near my doorstep, my mood becomes increasingly agitated. Why Mother Nature? Why do you play with the hormones of women? Are women not moody enough for you? Why must you create a state of added wee-honkness? We can handle the cramps. We can handle the bloating. We can handle the backache. But increased moodiness? You’re playing with fire, Mother Nature.

And Mother Nature, please. Would you kindly send us some good advertisers to promote the products needed during your visit? It is not clear to me what the advertisers are thinking, when they put together various ad campaigns and slogans. I am afraid the advertisers don’t take into consideration that women tend to be cranky when you arrive. Speaking personally, the shiny happy faces promoting feminine products feeds my crankiness. These women are not shiny and happy, trust me.

Mother Nature, Tampax suggests women use their tampons, “So [one] can keep shining, whatever your “weather” may be?” Tampax also has a product line called ‘Tampax Pearl’. Pearl? Are women suppose to equate feminine protection to pearls? Not sure about most women, but I prefer to wear my pearls as a necklace or earrings. I see no reason to incorporate pearls with my cycle. Although, perhaps I would have a ‘happy period’ if I wore my pearl earrings and necklace during your visit, Mother Nature.

And, Always’ marketing campaigns? Oh Mother Nature, how I have ranted about Always. [‘Happy Period’? Don’t get me started.] Well, I noticed Always has a new tag line for their liners. Supposedly, Always’ liners “Keep you centered.” Really? So, if I am finding it hard to balance my life, all I have to do is wear an Always liner and I will feel centered?! Amazing! Perhaps finding balance isn’t a myth, after all!

Mother Nature, I know this is not a traditional memo. My apologies. Still, I wanted to write you and express my frustration. And, since your arrival is nearing, it should come as no surprise that I am feeling frustrated, eh? Mother Nature, I request sweetly, please reach out and knock some sense in to the advertisers of feminine products

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to try and reign in the cravings that hit this time of the month, while doing my best to be a shiny, happy woman. Approach with caution.

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One thought on “My Memo to Mother Nature

  1. lisa

    Lenore,
    I’m sending you a yet to be published post…..from the other end of the spectrum….on the same subject……

    Is It Hot In Here?

    Totally off the subject but feeling the need to vent……
    Warning, anyone under the age of 40 or male may not be able to relate to this on any level. To the rest of you, carry on.
    Being a woman of a “certain age” stinks sometimes! Let me just vent here for a bit. First there are the awkward “developing” years. What is happening to me??? Then comes the roughly 400-500 months of fertility. Is there a nicer way to put it? You all know what I’m talking about. Do we really need to be “fertile” for that long??? After that, when you are just getting to the point in life where you don’t have to worry about having or raising kids and have the monthly drill down pretty good, it all goes to H#@%. The gift of hot flashes comes out of nowhere and the monthly drill gets more and more random. Do I really need this? I have paid my dues, since I was 13….and now this? Are you kidding? It can be below 0 and here I sit in a cold sweat. Nothing you can do about it. You would think that modern science could come up with a solution. But NOOO. You can look ridiculous with that glistening forhead and cheeks in any weather. Does it at least moisturize? Maybe this will put off the wrinkling process?
    There you go…

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