In the blink of an eye

There I was – walking up the driveway after a morning walk. Suddenly, a huge bird flew in low and perched itself on a tree in our backyard.

I approached the backyard gate with excitement and anticipation. I was ready to see a red tail hawk, the type of bird seen throughout our neighborhood, but my sight locked eyes with a different feathered friend. Our backyard visitor was an owl. Read more

My Own Personal Vampire

Dear Mother Nature,

So, do you remember the movie ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘? Well, she started feeling cramps when the vampires were approaching. “Great,” Buffy says. “My secret weapon is PMS. That’s just terrific. Thanks for telling me.”

Mother Nature, I start to feel cramps when you approach me. Seems you are every woman’s personal vampire. (Though, I think most women would prefer a vampire like Edward in their life.) You surface once a month, sucking our energy, patience, humor and our ability to be rational. My friend – no, not you, Mother Nature, my real friend – told me that her daughter was recently added to your agenda. And, she told me that while walking with her daughter, her daughter began to cry and laugh at the same time while yelling, “I don’t know what I am feeling!” (Can I get an ‘Amen‘?)

While my friend’s daughter is just beginning the cycle, I realize my time with you is growing increasingly limited. I am also aware of the tricks you have up your sleeve before you leave me for good. Though a part of me may mourn your departure, I doubt I’ll throw you a going away party. I am glad you were (still are) a part of my life. Had you not visited me regularly, I wouldn’t have my two awesome boys. By the same token, had you not visited me, I wouldn’t have had to fix so many door jams, due to excessive door slamming.

I suppose, once you leave me, there will be cons to not having you visit. However, as I get older, I am not worried about the cons. I am focusing on the money I’ll save not having to buy the products needed for your visit. Oh wait, I suppose pads may be needed in my twilight years, too. Hmm… with that thought, stick around Mother Nature. I’ll leave the light on for you, and I may even bake you a cake.

Love,
Me

Here I Moan Again

Dear Mother Nature,

You’re going to visit again soon, I can feel it. Moreover, my husband and kids are starting to feel it. Seems the wind has changed direction and grown gusty. And, unlike the wind that carries Mary Poppins, this wind is coming from the west. In fact, Admiral Boom has raised the storm signals, indicating heavy weather brewing.

Emotional about Joe ‘graduating’ from Suzann’s house and Charlie’s 4th birthday, this week is already a heap of haphazard hormones. And now, because you are coming for a visit, bloating, crabbiness and cravings of crap have started to encroach. Mother Nature, you are the perfect storm.

The Publix tagline, “Where shopping is a pleasure” is grating on my nerves more than ever this week. And, I saw a commercial for pads where the pad is compared to athletic wear.  ATHLETIC WEAR! To quote the commercial, “Only Stayfree Ultra-Thins have Thermo Control Designed with the comfort of athletic fabrics in mind. Stayfree Thermo Control quickly wicks moisture away, for exceptional dryness.”

Mother Nature, did you notice I provided a hyper-link to Stayfree’s product line in the previous paragraph? That link will allow you to see the stupid ad for yourself.

Ah yes, the week before the week you knock on my door, a time when friends are made and relationships improve. NOT!

And Mother Nature, don’t go trying to tell me about those women who no longer have you knocking on their door. I am in no mood to hear about how it could be worse or how other womanly hormonal experiences may be more annoying. You just hold off on that discussion for two weeks or so. Don’t look at me funny, either. I may just burst into tears.

Love,
Me

P.S. I should mention, one benefit to your visit, Mother Nature, is the fact that frustration hits quickly and can lead to instant results. I just loaded up two boxes of stuff to take to Goodwill, because I was tired of looking at all of it. I haven’t a clue what I threw in the boxes, out of frustration; hopefully, I won’t go looking for any of it in the next two weeks. Hmm . . . where’s my laptop? Uh-oh.