Reality meeting Reality

First, I finished month-end billing. This matters to you, I know. And, because I have finished month end billing, I feel a weight has been lifted. Woo hoo! Just in time for the weekend. Second, I found the source of my fear and anxiety.

See the picture? This is the Log Lodge Bunch in the Spring of 2007. See the cute kid in front with a green shirt and wearing glasses? Yeah, that kid. That’s my oldest son, Joe. Joe starts kindergarten in August this year. See the the dark haired girl holding a baby? Yeah, that baby is my kid, too. That’s Charlie, who is turning 4 in June. The only kids in the picture that are still part of the Log Lodge crew are Joe and Charlie. The others have moved on to ‘big kid’ school.

I can handle my boys getting older. Truly. I do not have a sense of fear or anxiety with the thought and realization that they are getting older. However, see the lady in the picture? That’s our daycare provider, Suzann. The thought that my boys are getting to the age where they will leave Suzann’s place is making me crazy with fear and anxiety. (I’ll write about Suzann soon. She is an incredible person.)

I have my feet on the ground. Yes, though my head can be found in the clouds frequently throughout the day, I believe I have a pretty good grip of reality. [Oh, keep quiet Peanut Gallery. Thanks.] And, I have been well aware of the fact that my boys will one day go to school. I guess what I failed to grasp was how our life would change drastically once they started school and are dictated by the school calendar.

This morning, the boys and I sat on the couch sipping our soy milk and coffee, while watching Curious George. (Straight black coffee for me, and straight soy milk for the boys.) When he is not working at home, Rob leaves for the office before the kids and I get out of bed. Charlie and I didn’t stumble out of our rooms until 7AM. Joe joined us on the couch around 7:15. And, we sat. We chatted about George and the man in the yellow hat, and we discussed the different ways a person can get dressed. For instance, Charlie likes to get fully undressed and sit a minute before moving forward with dressing. Once ready to get dressed, Charlie likes to put on his socks first, followed by underwear, pants and shirt. While Joe prefers taking one item of clothing off at a time, replacing it with a clean item. For example, he takes his shirt off, and he puts on a clean shirt, etc. We cover some serious issues in the morning.

I enjoy the fact that our weekday mornings move in a slow and casual pace, because where we have to go in the morning does not come with a time constraint. Yes, the boys were going to Suzann’s house; and yes, I needed to go to my boss’ house; but, there was no bell that was going to ring, indicating we were late. Sometimes we have to step up the slow pace due to appointments, but generally speaking – our weekday mornings are similar to weekend mornings: slow, comfortable and casual.

All of this is going to change come August 2010. Joe will have to get up earlier, eat breakfast and head to school before the bell rings. Charlie and I will no longer get to sit with Joe, casually enjoying the morning. We will no longer get to play impromptu games of Hi-Ho Cherry-O or Chutes and Ladders. (OK, so I won’t miss those impromptu games.) We will no longer be able to stumble out of bed at 7AM or 7:15AM. And, in another year, Charlie will be waking up earlier, eating breakfast and making sure he gets to school before the bell rings.

I am going to miss my quiet and casual time with the boys. And, because I work, I will miss the freedom and flexibility with my work hours. I’ve yet to sit and talk about it with my boss, but my availability with regards to work is going to be compromised. Like many working Moms before me, I will now have the responsibility of picking Joe up from school in the middle of my workday. And, come school holiday time, I will have to juggle having Joe home while meeting my paid-gig responsibilities. The short holidays won’t pose a huge problem, but I’m not sure how the whole “Summer break” is going to pan out for us.

Again, I know I am not the first Mom to come to this stage of reality, and I won’t be the last Mom that faces this stage of reality. I also know this is not a huge deal in the scheme of things. Yet, I am a little bummed and overcome with a bit of fear and anxiety for the pending reality. I quite enjoy my current reality, especially the indigo skies and sunflower lined roads. Oh wait. Sorry. I confused my reality with fantasy, or is it I confused my fantasy with reality? Anyway, as I was saying, I love the slow pace of mornings in my house. And, I am sad this reality is coming to an end. However, until my current reality meets my new reality, I will definitely milk the remaining 4 months I have left to sit and enjoy the casual morning time with the boys. [Oh, and I’ll enjoy the cups of coffee, too. Love me some fresh brewed coffee in the morning!]