Unorganized Thoughts

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NOTE: The following post may offend. Please read with caution.

It is morning here. I’ve enjoyed two cups of coffee, and yes, I believe I will have a third. Before I get up to get that third cup of coffee, I am going to tell you about my dream last night. I had a dream about the movie Shutter Island. I am not sure why I had a dream about Shutter Island, because I have not seen the movie. And, I didn’t dream that I was watching the movie, my dream was that I was on the Island living out the movie. Odd. I assume the dream was short because I haven’t seen the movie. I suspect seeing the movie is in my future, though. I’m curious to see if I got any of it right.

The main purpose of my post today is to release some of the frustration I am having due to hormones. My word of the day today is restraint. I hope to show restraint today and over the next 5 – 7 days. My patience is limited, which makes showing restraint even harder. But, I am aware that my moodiness is due to hormones, and I am hoping if I keep in tune with that awareness, I won’t do too much damage. I have a big challenge ahead of me, that is for certain.

Now, while I try to show restraint and release my frustrations via posting, you have to realize that my mind is in overdrive. I swear there is a game of pinball going on in my head, and the flippers are doing a great job of keeping the ball active and hitting many bumpers. I am certain I will reach a new ‘High Score’.

While posting, I am listening to the Neal Boortz show. He is an AM talk radio show host. Great entertainment. You can access his website, and I encourage you to listen to him. He’s a Libertarian, and he is not a fan of President Obama. Consider yourself warned. I hope that doesn’t prevent you from checking him out, though. Again, he is great entertainment.

So, Neal is on a rant about an 8th grade girl who sent her boyfriend a picture via her cell phone. Allegedly, the 8th grader was partially nude. After her boyfriend received the picture, he forwarded it to his guy friends. All this took place in a private school. I believe both parties were taken out of school in some form or another. Authorities are considering jail time, too. Explain to me, again, why kids have cell phones? Oh yeah. It is because they NEED them in case of an emergency. Right. And how many times have they used it for an actual EMERGENCY vs just convenience or habit? Thought so.

And then there is Oprah. She is promoting a “Don’t Text and Drive” campaign. Yet, what did her audience receive during a recent show? Yep. A free cell phone with 60 days free service! Woo hoo! And, how many of those folks will use their phones while driving?! Seems a bit contradictory to me, but I am PMSing; what the heck do I know, right?

But wait, I have more to share. Oprah had Jessica Simpson on her show. Jessica was airing her frustration with the media and paparazzi, as they hound her and focus on her weight an personal life. She was stressing the need for folks to focus on the goodness inside and the pressure the media puts on looks, appearance, etc. Oprah was nodding in agreement with Jessica, and Oprah also shared that she’s had to deal with her fair share of crap from the media. OK. Cut to the second half of the show: Lisa Ling talks about the focus on fashion and beauty in China and around the world. What?! The first half of the show is about how too much focus is on fashion, looks, etc. And, the second half of the show is all about looking a certain way, interviewing the Vanity Fair rep in China.

I admit, my rant may be taking things out of context a bit. And, showing how women will do just about anything to be ‘beautiful’ doesn’t necessarily encourage the behavior; however, Oprah has many shows on how to look better. I am just frustrated with the double-talk. “Don’t text and drive.” “Here! Have a new cell phone.” “Focus on what is inside your heart, not how you look.” “This week we will talk about the best way to color your hair and look years younger.” Yes, I am cranky. But am I way off base? Really?

Oh. Oh. AND – Oprah has had several shows with Peter Walsh, from Clean Sweep. She is amazed and horrified at how hoarders collect stuff and are unable to get rid of things. Then, she announces that she has cleaned out her closet and is auctioning off items on Ebay to raise money for her school. While going through many of the clothing items, Oprah is expressing the fact that she is getting anxious about letting go of the things. She talks about the fact that her heart is racing and she is having a hard time not changing her mind on certain items.

Again, my frustration is hormone induced. And, I don’t fault Oprah for the anxiety she has with letting go of some of her ‘stuff’. But, what about her love for Eckhart Tolle and his book ‘A New Earth’? What about her belief that it is not about the stuff? She has tons of stuff! And, it is hard for her to let go of her stuff, so it should not surprise her that others have a hard time of letting go of their stuff, too.

I like Oprah. I am not trying to discredit her or make her out to be someone evil. I just wish folks would practice what they preach, and I wish they would call themselves out when they don’t practice what they preach. Which reminds me …

For the most part, I am an open book. I know I am moody. I know I am impatient. I know I yell way too much. I know this. I also know there are many people like me. However, they don’t admit to being like me. They don’t admit to sharing many of my qualities. They will, however, throw me under the bus without batting an eye. Because I am so open about my issues and imperfections, I feel as though I walk around with a big target on my front and back. And, rather than acknowledging they share many of my characteristics, folks will tell me how ridiculous I can be at times.

I realize my openness is my choice, though why I continue to choose being an open book is beyond me. Seriously, why in the world do I feel the need to share every single emotion I feel? Why on earth do I feel the need to express just about every thought I have? It is sick, though I know many find it entertaining. And, truth be told, I love me. I love the fact that I am an open book. I just wish I wasn’t so insecure about it all. It seems contradictory to be so forthcoming with information, yet cringe internally as I worry I am being judged. And, as is often the case, when I run into folks like me, who also share everything, I become annoyed. Yeah. Our own qualities tend to annoy us when we find the same qualities in others. Funny how that works.

I had better cut this post short. [Too late] I need to pace myself, as the next several days have the potential to be challenging. Today, I reminded my husband that I love him. I will remind my husband I love him several times over the next 5 to 7 days, in between my barking and biting. Hormones are wonderful.

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