Tag: Humor

A Sunday Morning

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

WARNING: I am not a scientist. I am not a mathematician. I am not a theologian. And, I was born with blond hair. Proceed with caution.

How Natural Selection Works by Spiritgreen

This morning I played hooky by not going to church. And, in a show of superior hypocrisy, after I drove my boys to church, I came back home. I assumed, because I left them with a group of Christians, the boys would be safe and completely fine until I returned two hours later. That’s OK, right?

Easy there, readers. I did not leave the boys with a bunch of strangers. Rob was there waiting for the boys. See, last night, the boys stayed at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, while Rob and I went to watch a baseball game. Then, this morning, I went to the grandparents’ house and picked up the boys, while Rob stayed behind, had a casual morning and met the boys and I later. Once I dropped the boys off safe in the hands of their Dad, I left to enjoy my Sunday in my own spiritual way.

On my way home, I noticed a couple of church passenger vans. Seeing two different ‘churches on wheels’ pass me, I wondered what it was about Christianity that made it so hard to stay together. The Bible is one book, yet there are countless opinions about what the stories mean within the Bible. Whether you break it down by Protestant faiths: Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, etc. or Catholic faiths: Roman, Orthodox, Byzantine, etc., the same Bible is used to ‘back’ their beliefs. Although, Catholics do incorporate the Apocrypha and Protestants do not. How can one book be interpreted differently by various groups of people, claiming their way is the right way?

What about Jews and Muslims? Are there different ‘parties’ within the Jewish faith? I know there are Orthodox Jews and Hasidic Jews, but I don’t know if there are other types of Jews. And, because of the multiple types, is it safe to assume Jews also read the Torah differently? I know the least about Muslims, when it comes to variety. If I base it on Christianity and Judaism, I assume Muslims read and interpret the Koran differently.

On Friday, while in my car and literally driving out of the drive-way, two men approached my car. Being a polite Christian woman, (snort) I stopped short of their toes. I put my window down, and I let them speak to me. As I pointed out my hypocritical ways earlier, it should come as no surprise that I also stereotype people. And, I stereotypically assumed these men were about to witness to me about why their faith was the best faith. And sure enough, this was the goal of these two Jehovah Witnesses. Again. Same Bible – different interpretation. Mormons? They have their own book, as well as various ‘parties’.

Perhaps, the fact that the various forms of religion cannot agree on their own individual religion, people are deterred from organized religion. All I know for certain is that while I was enjoying the wonderful morning, picking clovers, feeding the bunnies and patting the barn cat, I couldn’t help but thank God for what surrounded me. I don’t know if it is a sign of weakness or a sign of strength, but I have a hard time comprehending the world, the galaxies, the universe and space without believing a greater being created it.

I remember one of my friends from elementary school and I would stay up late at night, when we spent the night together. She and I would go back and forth trying to visualize ‘nothing’. We would start laughing hysterically, while also getting a bit freaked out at the impossible task of visualizing nothing. It cannot be done. Because the instant you think of nothing, you are, in fact, thinking of something. Isn’t nothing something? What is divisible by zero? Wait. Nevermind.

How is it possible that something can be created out of nothing? And, nothing must have existed for a micro-second (or less), because the instant something existed then nothing was no longer. And seriously, why do cats always land on their feet? [Do you have a headache yet?]

As I wasn’t saying, I am thankful for my faith. I am thankful for experiencing mornings like my morning today. And, I believe my faith provides me with a greater sense of appreciation, because I don’t take it for granted. What surrounds me is not mere happenstance. What surrounds me is not just a fluke. What surrounds me is a miracle in and of itself. There is beauty in the greatness of this world, galaxy, universe and space. And, I don’t understand how someone can shrug it off as ‘meh’ or have the thought that there is nothing greater than him/herself.

I wish the faiths of the world would unite. Though many may not realize, the Bible, Koran and Torah have many similarities. But, as is the case within the each religious sect/order, when a fork was seen in the road, different paths were taken.

I’m not sure of my point today, readers. I had a lovely and peaceful morning, and I was left with a feeling of gratitude and blessings. I know there is a great deal of crap in the world. I know the world is filled with pain, suffering, poverty, starvation and oddities within Wal-Mart. One of my hopes is that you are able to take a moment each day to see the miracle – see the wonder that exists amongst the crap. And please, when I am having a really icky day, would you remind me of the day I had today, relaxing in a clover field, feeding the bunnies and patting the barn cat? Thanks!

Flighty Friday Begins Now

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Today, I am entering my first Flighty Friday post. Finally, a day where I can forgo focus and just write. Wait. You haven’t found any signs of focus in my previous posts? Whatever. You are now entering the Flighty Friday zone.

Someone made a comment to me about people who talk about vibes and good/bad energy. And, truth be told, I am one of those vibes/good/bad energy kind of person. Anyway, my friend continued with her train of thought. She suggested folks should send their thoughts directly to someone, like God. Then she started to say that all the energy is floating around willy nilly, and no one knows where it really goes. I started laughing, and I said, “Yeah, maybe all the vibes/good/bad energy being sent by people is cause of the hole in the ozone!”

Just think, those who work hard to bring in the good energy and expel the bad energy are destroying the ozone with their continued non-guided release of energy.  Who would have thought?! The naturalists are causing global warming.

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Today, Joe is taking part in the evaluation/testing process of admissions for the Montessori school. I’m not sure what is involved with the evaluations and testing. I have been waiting for this for two weeks. I am excited to see how he does – well, provided he does well and is accepted into the school. I’ll be sure to send him some positive and good energy.

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I was watching an episode of Frontline earlier this week. This particular episode focused on the vaccination debate. One of the people interviewed made the comment that the internet has changed everything. Much like the thought ‘if you see it on TV, it must be true’, the thought exists for many that if you read about it on the internet it must be true.

How many forwarded emails have you received warning you not to flash your headlights, alerting you that there may be strangers in your trunk or encouraging your to forward the email to 10 people so you’ll see a neat trick? Snopes.com exists for a reason. Stories are posted on the internet and emailed to thousands of people, with many buying the information hook, line and sinker. Yet, oftentimes, the information shared is completely false or not entirely accurate. Oh, and don’t forget one of the newest false claims: “I checked Snopes and it is true!”

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“Cinders and ashes!” Thomas the tank engine is quite an entertaining show. I must tip my hat to the boys and their taste in programming. I enjoy watching Thomas the tank engine with them. “Bust my buffers! The engines cause confusion and delay!” Still, the engines seems to learn a lesson by the end of the episode, which is not true for one monkey by the name of George. However, I think I’d prefer to be Curious George vs. a tank engine. George seems to have all the fun without the consequences.

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Joe once told me he thought I was as smart as a Troodon dinosaur. Apparently, the Troodon was one of the more intelligent dinosaurs. However, showing clear signs of intelligence, I often asked, “Joe, what is the name of the dinosaur you say I am as smart as?” Growing tired of answering the same question, he finally said, “Troodon. Say it Mommy. Tro-ah-don.”

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I have come to the end of my first Flighty Friday post. Thrilling wasn’t it? Have a super dooper weekend. May it be free from wee-honkness and doogie-whomper sentiments. And, may you go easy on the non-directed energy releases, believe nothing you read or hear about until after you’ve researched it yourself, catch an episode of Thomas the Tank Engine and check your wits against the Troodon. Toodles!

Doogie-whompers and Wee-honked

~ Lenore Diane ~ 3 Comments

Two of my very best friends made up words I will never forget: Doogie-whompers and Wee-honked. Though I can’t define the words in the traditional sense, I will tell you that ‘doogie-whompers’ is most commonly used as an interjection and ‘wee-honked’ is most commonly used as an adjective. Of course, I say ‘most commonly’ as if these words are widely used by everyone, when in reality the words are mainly by the three of us.

Today, I am thinking ‘doogie-whompers’ over and aver again, as I anxiously await for kindergarten registration to take place. As I type, I have one more hour until we head to registration. Ding dangity, I am nervous! Better yet, “Doogie-whompers! I am a nervous wreck!” And, my nerves are leaving me with a feeling of wee-honkedness. We-honked is the exact opposite of balanced. When we-honked, I am most vulnerable to my junk food cravings. Case in point – RIGHT NOW. I want to eat the pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer, but I don’t have enough time! What’s worse is the fact that I won’t have time to console myself with junk food today at all. ACK!

Today, I am actually having to experience the wee-honkedness in all its glory, without a handy numbing affect. I know I will make it through the day, but “Doogie-whompers! I want to submit to a crutch!” Plus, when feeling this we-honked, it allows one to become overwhelmed with other bits of anxieties. Oh, and add some PMS, and you’ve got a perfect storm brewing. Yes, life inside our house may be challenging tonight. I’ll be sure to do my breathing exercises and step away for a bit, if needed.

Happily, Rob liked the Montessori school we checked out today. [A double whammy kindergarten kind of day.] It was my second time taking the tour at this particular school. I loved it at first sight, and I am glad Rob loved it, too. Rob believes in Montessori and understands the value it offers. His biggest concern with starting Joe at Montessori is the financial commitment. He, like me, worries about our budget, making ends meet and the sacrifices it will bring. And, because of his uncertainty (and the uncertainty of Joe being accepted into a Montessori program), we are registering Joe for public school today. Um. Have I said “ACK” yet? ACK!

Twenty more minutes until we pick up Joe and register him for kindergarten. And, I realize there are bigger issues in the world – bigger fish in the sea – bigger battles being fought. However, my awareness of those realizations is not calming the butterflies in my stomach. Again, the wee-honkedness I am feeling and the PMS rising is an invitation to the many other anxieties I have. So, thank you very much, I’ve just added the above mentioned anxieties about the bigger battles being fought, bigger fish in the sea and the bigger issues in the world to my state of wee-honkedness. Doogie-whompers! I think I’m gonna need a bigger bowl.