Tag: Humor

Oh, Oprah.

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Dear Blogary,

I had no intentions of writing to you earlier today, and I did not intend to write again the same day! I mean, I had a good day today, thanks. I listened to music, took the boys to swim lessons, did work for my paid job and enjoyed the day. Then, Blogary, I turned on Oprah. Oh, Oprah.

I admit, I tuned into Oprah after the advertisements for today’s show tweaked my interest. Today’s episode seemed to be one you couldn’t miss. Well, I didn’t miss it, but I left the show feeling sad and depressed. Oh, Harpo.

Am I a food addict? Yes, I suppose I am. Am I okay with that fact? Yes, for the most part. I have no intention of cutting out my consumption of ice cream. More to the point, I will – as long as I can – enjoy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. And, I prefer to eat my ice cream when I am alone. I’m not sure it is because I am ashamed or embarrassed with the fact that I can eat so much in one sitting, rather I don’t enjoy the gawking that occurs when there is an audience present. Plus, I suppose it is rude that I don’t share. Is this wrong? Oh, Over-eaters Anonymous.

The guest on Oprah today, Geneen Roth, was discussing her new book, “Women, Food and God.” Geneen’s website states, “The way you eat is inseparable from your core beliefs about being alive. No matter how sophisticated or wise or enlightened you believe you are, how you eat tells all. The world is on your plate. When you begin to understand what prompts you to use food as a way to numb or distract yourself, the process takes you deeper into realms of spirit and to the bright center of your own life. Rather than getting rid of or instantly changing your conflicted relationship with food, Women Food and God is about welcoming what is already here, and contacting the part of yourself that is already whole—divinity itself.” Oh, Geneen.

Now, I understand eating disorders exist and are real. And, I understand (fully) that many people eat to numb or distract themselves. Certainly, I am quite guilty of eating when stressed, depressed, anxious, cranky, menstruating, bored, entertaining and um – when hungry. But, do we all really need books to guide us to fixing ourselves? Or wait. Is THIS book finally THE book. THIS book IS the miracle, eh? Oh, Simon & Schuster

And Blogary, while I am ranting (or is it merely babbling?), I find it silly that many of these books use God or some sort of spiritual spin. Even Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love has a spiritual spin based on Eastern culture. Maybe I am trying to fit Gilbert into my rant, where it really doesn’t fit. At least Gilbert refers to something greater than oneself. I have issues with some (not all) of the new age mumbo-jumbo. I find it narcissistic to believe one is as great as the universe. I’m a pretty great person – no really, I am. Just ask my Mom – but am I greater than the universe? *Shakes 8 Ball* “My reply is no.” Oh, Tolle.

Rob and I recently watched 2012 – Science or Superstition, which talks about the Mayan calendar and the belief that December 21, 2012 will be an earth changing (perhaps earth ending) day. Surprisingly, the movie wasn’t so much doom and gloom, as it was optimistic. And, one of the greatest things I took away was the call for the world to unite in their beliefs. One world. One faith. Can you imagine? Could you conform? If we are our own universe – aren’t we then one faith? Did you walk to school or take a lunch? Huh? Oh, Maya.

"Oh Universe, I am yours" by Jose Alberto Gomes Pereira

Blogary, I think I have gotten off track; assuming, of course, I started on a track. If you feel you need to rush out and buy the book “Women, Food, God” – go for it. Perhaps it is the miracle cure for which you’ve searched. Or perhaps, it is another book offering the same message, “It’s not what you’re eating; it is is what is eating you.” And really, how many times do you need to read the same message? I mean, you won’t get the message until you are ready to get the message. In the meantime, when you are anxious, stressed, bored, menstruating, cranky, etc. try to read a book, call a friend, go for a walk, surf the web, have some Wii time or start a blog. Then again, I guess you could focus on the fact that you are your own universe, and no one is greater than you. Oh, Ego.

Okay, Blogary. I am done for the day. Ah, ice cream.

Love,
Me

Friday Fickle

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

“Mom?” I hear through the locked bathroom door. I am in the shower, so I can barely make out what is being said. “Guys. I am in the shower, and I can’t hear you. Can’t you wait until I am done?” I yell in return. Ignoring my plea, Joe shouts, “Do I have to wear underwear today?” And so begins another morning . . .

***

Mother’s Day is this weekend. And, I will be spending Mother’s Day weekend heading to my Mom’s house on Saturday, tackling various chores around her house. Then, heading to my Mother-in-law’s house on Sunday, visiting with her, with the possibility of tackling chores around her house, too.

I watched The Middle this week, which is a comedy about a family of five. The episode surrounded Mother’s Day, and the Mom made the comment that Father’s Day is so successful because a Mom is in charge of it. Some Father’s don’t seem to grasp the concept of Mother’s Day, and/or they need the help of the Mom to pull it off successfully. That’s OK. Moms deserve to feel appreciated and loved more than one day a year, as do Dads. I must admit, the kids and Rob do a fine job of providing me with love and support. And, I don’t have a problem asking for a time-out when I need one. Sometimes, the guys even encourage it! (Go figure!)

***

So, it’s officially official. Joe was accepted into the Montessori school for Kindergarten. Rob and I met with the Director of the Montessori school this week. She reviewed Joe’s test and scores with us. And, she showed us a couple of projects he completed. In addition, she let us know how he responded to the following question:

“Joe, what is one thing you remember learning from Ms. Suzann [his day care provider]?” “Well,” Joe responds. “You should never say you don’t like God.”

Did I mention the Montessori school is a Christian school? Looks like Joe is getting a head start on the art of kissing up to the teacher. Good boy.

***

Not too long ago, the makers of the Baby Einstein videos were in the news. Apparently, parents were complaining because their kids weren’t becoming the geniuses the products claimed to create. Studies were done by – well, the folks that do studies. The conclusion was that kids who watched the videos did not speak or read any earlier than those that did not watch the videos.

Shocking, right? Kids do not become geniuses by watching videos. Who knew?

Though I make no claim that either Joe or Charlie are geniuses, I do claim that both Joe and Charlie know instruments because of Baby Einstein’s ‘Baby Meet the Orchestra’. We watched (and still watch) ‘Baby Meet the Orchestra’ frequently. Once, while driving in the car and listening to John Denver [hush], Joe said “Hey! I hear a French horn.” He was correct. And, to this day, both he and Charlie will request “the French horn song.”

Earlier this week, we drove by two water towers, similar to the one pictured. Joe said, “Look! That looks like a timpani.”

Is Joe a genius? I doubt it. But, I assure you, we didn’t teach him about the sound of  French horn or the Timpani drum. His musical knowledge (and strong interest) comes from Baby Einstein.

***

Facebook is a funny social network. Really. We’ve all seen the skits mocking Facebook, where some ‘stranger’ comes to your front door, barges in your house, hugs you and goes on and on about the good ol’days. ‘Friend requests’ pop up left and right. Friend requests are ignored, and friend requests are accepted. Names are entered in the ‘Search’ box on the off chance one might find a ghost of his/her past.

Well, after several failed attempts at searches, I finally found a long lost friend by snooping through friends of my sister’s friend’s friends. Seriously, there are several qualities about Facebook that make it a stalking network. Hello. My name is Lenore Diane, and I am a stalker. I think I have admitted that fact in previous posts.

This friend and I were in a movie back in 1979. When the movie was released in the United States the name was The Visitor. But, as I have since found, the movie was a foreign film with the name Stridulum. It’s a cult classic. Sadly, it is unavailable on DVD. I suppose I should say, it would be a cult classic. Amazingly enough, I found a clip on YouTube, and it is the clip that includes shots of my friend and me. My friend is more visible than me, but I see me (brown dress, blond hair.) Curious? Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mi6PMFJyBo

***

Here’s hoping everyone has a nice day, night, weekend, etc. I am going to cut out of work early, pop in a movie and eat some Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food. Sure, I could spend my time doing something useful and perhaps meaningful. But, I like to remember an old Steve Winwood song, “While you see a chance take it”. I suppose I could see this as a chance to clean the house or do work-work. Meh. I like the ice cream/movie option best. Cheers!

Untitled

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Dear Blogary –

Today is Thursday. It’s been several days since we were together. I miss you. I started writing to you several months ago, with the hope I would find clarity in my life, clarity in my marriage and overcome my depression. And, I had hope that I would entertain and enlighten anyone who happened to stumble upon my unlocked blogary.

You and I started off quite well, writing wise. Initially, we didn’t get much traffic, as folks seem to be overwhelmed with enlightenment, if not life itself. And, well, one might assume better entertainment can be found elsewhere. I certainly wouldn’t say that the hits didn’t come due to my poor writing or story telling skills, would you? Thankfully, Blogary, you’re the kind of friend that just listens. You don’t offer your opinion. Along with entertainment and enlightenment, there are quite enough opinions in the world. Thank you, Blogary, for keeping your opinions to yourself.

So, what is going on these days? Where is the troubled marriage banter? Where are the clouded life rambles?  Where are the sad tales of woe? And come on, how goes the regular use of the Nordic Track?

Blogary, life seems to be going quite well, thanks to you. As I suspected and may have mentioned in past posts, writing is cathartic for me. Life has improved greatly, since I started blabbing, bantering, blubbering, etc. Now, don’t get me wrong. I still have cranky days. Ok – cranky weeks. And, I admit, I still sweat some of the small stuff. And well, if I must be honest, and I know how you appreciate honesty, the Nordic Track hasn’t been used more than once since the Nordic Track post. However, it is still in the living room, should the fitness bug strike. [Shakes 8-Ball: Looks Doubtful]

So, it seems talking to you, Blogary, has helped me a great deal. I’ve always been good with one way conversations. You know, “Here’s my opinion; it’s right; and, I’ll tell you why.” With you, I believe I can keep it real. With you, I believe I can put it all out in this here universe we call the ‘internet’. But Blogary, my time to talk to you seems to be slipping. Are you missing me, as much as I am missing you?

You and I were together most every day. Babbling like a brook is the tag line for this blog, for crying out loud. What. Has a family of beavers created a dam, stopping the flow of the brook? Or, is my life just so awesome that I don’t – gasp – need you? [Shakes 8-Ball: Ask again later.] Ask again later? What. You mean, like ask when I am in the midst of PMS? Or, when I’m trying to stay on top of life’s day to day demands, while maintaining a positive persona? Yes, I suppose, if I were to ask again later, the response would more than likely be, “Don’t count on it.”

Frankly Blogary, I find my mood gets snippy when I don’t have time for you. I bought a notebook, so I can jot down my thought as soon as one hits. Alas, I have a hard time remembering to keep my notebook with me. And, most of my best blog thoughts come when I am going to bed. As I reach for the nightstand, I realize the notebook is on the table in the kitchen. Sigh. Foiled again. I go to bed, certain I will remember the awesome blog thoughts. I go to bed certain that these thoughts, that I will remember in the morning, are the thoughts that will no doubt take this blog to the moon, winning me book deals left and right. And then? Well. Then, I wake up, get dressed, pour a cup of coffee and start getting the boys ready for their day. With the morning light, the prize winning thoughts have disappeared like the creatures of the night.

All is not lost, Blogary. I still have you, and you still have me. And, I will grab hold of whatever blog time and blog thought I can snag, whenever I can snag it. And, I will write to you about the highs and lows in my life. Thankfully, the highs outweigh the lows, and the lows mainly pertain to the stock of ice cream in the freezer. Yes, I will take whatever blog thoughts and blog time I can get, whenever I can remember or get it. And, I will be thankful. And Blogary, I hope those who find us will be entertained and/or enlightened. But really, I’m just happy to write.

Hug, hug; kiss, kiss,

Me.