Category: This and that

It Starts with Me – It Starts with You

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Someone asked me the question, “Where did you get this idea from?” The response was simple, “Me.”

However, it is rare I provide one word responses, so I went on to say, “I am literally sick of all the negative crap. Rather than complain, I’ll do something. I’m on a mission. And, I am just barely 1/2 way through.”

What’s my mission? I am posting a positive thought or a kind remark to each and every one of my Facebook friends, via my status. I average three people per status update. I have over 170 friends, and I started this project 5 days ago. I still have about half of my Facebook friends left to mention. And, you know what? I am getting some nice feedback.

Please understand, I did not start this project to get positive feedback. I started this project, because I want to make a conscious effort to make a change, even if it is a small change. I wanted to try to make folks smile on a daily basis. Perhaps, if I send them a smile, their day will go a little better. Better yet, perhaps they will pass their smile along to someone else. At the risk of sounding corny (too late?), perhaps the receivers of my positive posts will ‘pay it forward’. (Though, if you’ve seen the movie Pay It Forward, please avoid scuffles on school grounds. Really. What a horrible ending for an otherwise uplifting movie. I digress…)

Oh, you know what else? I am having a great deal of fun posting positive things; I am. And, I am having a bit of a challenge. I don’t truly know all of my Facebook friends. I accepted their friend request and/or sent out a friend request for various reasons, including the fact that s/he were friends of friends. So, though I may not share a personal note with my FB acquaintances, saying a kind word about anyone and everyone is really not a hard task. Plus, you never know what kind of day a person is having. Your kind words could potentially uplift an otherwise sad spirit.

Sometimes, like on days when you pick up your child from school and the teacher tells you that your child did not have a good day, and he unscrewed the spicket on the faucet creating a watery mess, and he said ‘Never’ every time he was asked to do something … yeah, sometimes on days like today – er those days – a random kind word is appreciated.

George MacDonald, an author, poet and minister, said “Instead of a gem, or even a flower, cast the gift of a lovely thought into the heart of a friend.” I suggest you take it one step further, and cast a gift of kind thoughts to a non-friend, a stranger, etc. Going back to my post yesterday, Just Another Opinion, as negativity and browbeating are seeds that grow into ugly trees, creating an ugly forest, positive thoughts and kindness are seeds that grow into beautiful trees, creating a beautiful forest. So, will you join me? Help me plant a beautiful forest.

Just Another Opinion …

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Have you ever found yourself talking to the television during a reality TV show? Perhaps you are watching Survivor, and you cannot understand why the team doesn’t see this one certain person as the manipulative and dishonest person that s/he embodies. Or, perhaps you are watching Big Brother, while someone is talking about their personal plan in the diary room. You wonder how this person can get away with what seems to be such an obvious plan. How do the others in the house not see it?

Yes, when you are removed from a situation, it is easy to see the whole picture. So we think. When it comes to unkindness, I believe we are like the casts of reality TV shows. We are so involved with getting around in life, we fail to see the most obvious things.

I have ‘bully’ on the brain. Though the word ‘bully’ is starting to irritate me. And, I fear the word ‘bully’ may become overused, which may desensitize folks about this real issue. Plus, I don’t think the word ‘bully’ encompasses enough. When I think of bully – I think of one person. Whereas, a word like ‘browbeating’ covers greater territory, in my opinion. And, during this campaign season in the good ol’ US of A, browbeating is commonplace. Regardless of your party, regardless of your interest, browbeating runs rampant throughout politics and throughout your home life.

Where does the browbeating start? Bad things happen all over the place. Situations as big as suspicious packages on board cargo planes intent to do harm or situations as small as a preschool child calling another preschooler ‘stupid’. Now, you may say my examples are on two opposite sides of the spectrum. And, I don’t disagree. However, mean is  mean – and bad is bad. The only difference is the number of casualties. And, if children are speaking ugly to other children, each child has the potential to become a casualty through the browbeating.  A kid, once optimistic and happy, could become bitter and pessimistic because s/he was the receiver of browbeating. Going back to political campaigns, negative ads are not composed from a happy and kind place. Again I ask, where does this – for lack of a better word – crap start?

As I have mentioned, it is election time. (At least, it is election time here in the United States.) Hate speech and negative ad campaigns have been spewing freely for weeks … for months. Negative ad campaigns fill the radio and air waves. And though we may express frustration with the use of negative ad campaigns, we are quick to promote the discretion of our candidate’s opponent, somehow thinking it is okay to promote the negative, as long as it isn’t about your candidate.

How can we, as humans, expect our kids to grow up nice, when we continue the cycle of negativity and hate? We want our politicians to play nice – yet we buy into and help spread their negative. Negativity and browbeating are seeds that grow into ugly trees. And, these trees spread, creating one ugly forest.

Yes, we live in a world of differences, and we live in a world of right and wrong. But honestly – can we not agree to disagree? Can we not learn to compromise, just as we try to encourage our children to compromise?

You have strong political views. You have strong religious views. You have strong views about not being political or not being religious. Great! Sit down. Let’s talk. And, when it comes to making policies, let’s work to find middle ground. There is always middle ground. Always. And, we don’t have to be mean. The browbeating can stop. For some, being nice is harder than being mean. For some, smiling is harder than frowning. Fine. Work at it. Say something nice to someone different each and every day. You can do it. And you can disagree without being nasty. Really, you can. And, you should. Look behind you – your kids are watching you and taking notes. And yes, that is where it starts.

Regrets Possibly Pending

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

I have received many comments about my blog. Not surprisingly, some people worry that I share too much. When I started writing the blog, my husband’s main request was that I maintain a line of privacy – of sorts – with regards to how much information I share. And, according to my husband, I have not yet crossed the line (though I’ve come close); but recently, my husband did ask me to delete one picture I included in a post, and I deleted the photo without hesitation.

Earlier this week, I read another blogger’s post about things best left unsaid or unpublished. In fact, I read the post several times. And, though I do not fully agree with the author, I understand the points she is trying to make. And, I do believe her words should be heard, if only to keep things in perspective. So, I made myself hear her, and I made myself reflect on my writings. Are my regrets pending? Will I look back, when my boys are teenagers, college students, etc. and feel regretful for exposing my life (and the lives of my family) to countless people? Will the feelings of my sons be hurt, because I wrote about a day (or month) when they drove me crazy?

No, the boys do not have a say in what I choose to share. No, I am not asking them for permission to write about their life. Does this make me a bad Mom? Some may answer ‘yes’, but I answer ‘no’. I don’t know what my boys will think about what I have written and what I will write. I hope the boys find my writing funny and entertaining. And, I hope my boys find the serious posts heartfelt and honest, even if it hurts. [Note to self: Be prepared to read the previous sentence directed at you, when the boys release their ‘Tell All’.]

This life of mine is my reality. I am living my reality. And, I am doing the best I can for myself, my husband and my kids. There is not a doubt in my mind that my current reality is manageable because I write about it. This blog was created the beginning of this year, and though the I still run into speed bumps, I am in a far better place today, in part, because of my writing.

Today – October 20, 2010 – hundreds of thousands of young people across the USA are wearing purple to call attention to the deaths of six youths who committed suicide after they were bullied or harassed because they were gay or were thought to be gay. I mention the ‘day of purple’, because many of the bullying takes place in cyberspace via YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, etc. One need not be gay to be bullied; moreover, one need not be bullied or gay to consider and/or commit suicide.

What does the above have to do with my writing? I believe one benefit to writing is letting others know they are not alone. In the past, I’ve written about my own suicidal thoughts. In fact, when I wrote my blog about that dark period, some of my friends reminded me they didn’t like it when I went through that stage the first time, and they didn’t like reading about it again. Why? Because it made them uncomfortable. Words are powerful, whether spoken or written. Words are supportive, whether spoken or written. As cheesy as this may sound, words can be used for good or evil. When I write, I am trying to use my words for good. And, I hope my boys will learn something from my experiences, regardless of the actual experience. [Note to my boys: The previous sentence is not to be used as an excuse for you to feel it is OK to experience everything you want to in life, not while you are living under your parents’ roof. Keep it legal and safe, boys; and, follow directions.]

The blog I read earlier this week, that inspired my post today, dealt with a girl stumbling across a Christmas letter her Mom had written. The girl was hurt by the words her Mom wrote. I think it is important to add that this person found her Mom’s letter by accessing the Word document and figuring out the secret password. This was not some random letter her Mom left out for all to see; although, it was the Christmas letter . . .

Still, it brings me to another point, when your feelings are hurt because you went out of your way to find the meanness, you looked in nooks and crannies that did not belong to you, you picked the locked which was intended to keep the thoughts private – is it fair to attack the writer? And, that is a question I ask myself, because I wrote You are what you seek after I felt bullied by someone. But, in my post, I made the point that I was responsible for going out of my way to find the mean words. I sought it out – found it – didn’t like it – and wrote about it. In addition to calling out the person, I was calling out myself. I was holding myself accountable for actively putting my nose where it didn’t belong.

Being a bully is wrong. Using words (spoken or written) to hurt is wrong. Again I ask myself, will I regret these posts in the future? I don’t think I will. And, I don’t think my boys will react negatively to what I have written or may write in the future. Time will tell. In the meantime, I will continue to live this reality as I know it, making sure my husband and boys know I love them with all my heart, even when I have bad days.

Then again, aside from knowing I love my family, what do I know? I currently have two part-time jobs, one of which is from 11pm until 7am, two nights a week. The lack of sleep is turning my brain to mush. When I started this post, I am sure I had a point, but the point may have been lost – like my sleep. Oh, and if you are interested in reading the post I mentioned titled “Things best left unsaid (or at least unpublished), you may do so by clicking here. Good night. Oh wait. I’m working tonight. *sigh*