Author: Lenore Diane

I am married. We have two boys, two dogs, and two cats. I am on the Oxford Comma team. I look forward to my first large cup of coffee, black, every single morning, and I look forward to that second large cup of coffee, still black, every single afternoon.

A bit snarky

~ Lenore Diane ~ 3 Comments

My word today is ‘Snarky’. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of Snarky is as follows: 1 : crotchety, snappish 2 : sarcastic, impertinent, or irreverent in tone or manner <snarky lyrics>. Snarky is a fitting word for today, as I continue my PMS battle. No worries, this is not going to be a rant about PMS. Instead, I am writing about the word snarky, because it is a word I hear with growing frequency. I don’t consider myself to be a snarky person. However, I am known to be sarcastic. And to me, there is a distinct line between sarcasm and snark. Be warned, I’m probably going to come across as a little sensitive in this post.

With social networks like Facebook and Twitter, friendly chit-chat can to turn to disrespectful rudeness pretty quickly. The word ‘friend’ has changed with these social networks, too. One can have over 500 Facebook friends, but what kinds of people make up the over 500 friends? Are they real friends? Are they friends that you go to great lengths to stay in touch with through the years, or are they merely friends you are curious about every now and again? And, if you are snarky to these friends, do they take it as innocent and playful sarcasm? Or, do you they find it to be irreverent and rude? Frankly, do you even care how they take your comments? Truth be told, the real friends you have are the ones you interact with the most, whether it be via Twitter, Facebook, telephones, gatherings or email. And, you can check out anyone’s “Wall” on Facebook to determine which friends are real friends versus the ‘social network’ friends.

I admit, I’ve had my feelings hurt by snarky ‘friends’ on Facebook. I don’t know that they meant harm; instead, I think the distinct line of snark vs. sarcasm is blurred in the world of social networks. I cannot believe everything that is said or typed on Facebook would really be said out loud to people. It’s just not how the world works. In my opinion, the reason these social  networks became so successful was due, in part, to the fact that people could pretty much say whatever they wanted or felt with little to no filtering or backlash. Blogging is another example of how filters seem to evaporate, as folks spill there guts while offering their take of the world. And please, pardon me while I spill my guts, as I am an active participant of the named social networks.

As a participant in social networks, I am not trying to sound judgmental. In fact, I believe a great deal of good comes from social networks. However, I worry about our filters, and I worry that our filters – which serve a respectful purpose – are evaporating at an alarming rate. Much like the Ozone layer is becoming smaller and the greenhouse house gasses are (allegedly) overcoming our Earth, our filter of respectfulness is also becoming smaller. My nieces and nephews are not aware of a world where people only communicated by corded telephones. My younger relatives are not aware of a time when you actually put forth an effort to have conversations face to face vs. the corded phone. They don’t even recall a world where you actually played outside and had to pretend to be a good guy, shooting a bad guy with the coolest stick you could find. They do not know of a world before XBox, Nintendo, etc. This younger generation doesn’t know what it is like to be patient – deliberate – thoughtful. With social networks and electronic mail, everything is instant – reactive – not filtered. And, when one is responding in an instant and without a filter, snark is sure to show itself. Sarcasm is everywhere, and sarcasm is in your face. Sarcasm is in daily face to face conversations, on television, at home with the family and online with friends. But snark? Snark seems to lurk in world where you can hide and have a sense of anonymity or carelessness. Snark is mean. Snark is personal. And, in my opinion, snark is ruining our conversation, even if the conversation is virtual.

Back at the Ranch

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

This morning, I was suppose to go to my boss’ house to work. Typically, the boys wake me up around 7am. I’ve come to enjoy them waking me up, so I rarely get out of bed before I hear the patter of their feet coming to my bedside. And, this was the case this morning, even though I needed to shower before heading out for the morning.

The boys greeted me, and my oldest quickly requested I turn on Curious George. As he sat down to watch the show, he asked me to sit and snuggle with him. My oldest is five, and I am aware that the snuggle time with my boys is limited, especially with my 5yr old. He rarely asks  me to snuggle with him. As I sat with my oldest, I knew I had things to do before I took them to daycare and myself to work. I needed a shower. I really needed a shower. Still, I was enjoying the time with my boys. The youngest asked to join us, so the three of us sat in a chair, snuggled and watched Curious George. And, I began to think of ways to skip the shower and enjoy the snuggle time. Thankfully, my boss was OK with me staying home today, we rescheduled for tomorrow and I continued snuggling.

On the way to daycare, we were talking about pancakes and maple syrup. Dad made pancakes for supper last night, and the boys loved it. My oldest remembered the time the three of us went to the Seventy-Four Ranch, in Jasper, GA. We ate pancakes at the ranch, too. He was reflecting about the trip to the Ranch and how Larry, the owner, was a good pancake maker. The boys loved playing with Larry, and the ranch hand, Junior. They also had fun hanging out with Menny, the foreman.

I loved listening to the boys talk about our trip to the ranch. The oldest has a better memory of the trip, because he was age three. My youngest doesn’t remember the trip all that well, as he was only 2 yrs old. The irony to my son’s happy memories comes from the fact that I took myself and the boys to the ranch to get away from my husband. I did not kidnap the boys. It was a planned week long getaway, with my husband’s permission (so to speak). While staying at the ranch, my family was going to help move my things out of the house and into a rental house I found. However, long story short (too late), my husband and I agreed to work it out while under the same roof. Still, the trip was booked, I had the time off work, and I took the boys to the ranch.

Back in August 2008 there were many hurricanes. Though the State of Georgia doesn’t get the full brunt of hurricanes, it does get wind and rain from recently demoted hurricanes. And, in the Summer of 2008, specifically the week of August 19th, it rained for two days straight. I was stuck at the ranch with two boys under the age of three, while it rained those two days. Actually, it rained for three or four days, I think, but I called my husband after the second day. Yeah, I was ready to leave the guy, and I called him and asked him to come save me. Apparently, I like eating crow.

So, my husband drove up immediately after work, spent the night with us and left for home later the following day. I can’t say we got along swimmingly when he came to help me, but we made it work. And, I could tell he liked seeing the boys enjoy their surroundings. In addition, I could see the boys liked sharing this experience with their Dad. Before he left for home, I asked if he would come back and stay with us on Friday, after work. He agreed, and the last couple of days were spent as a family of four enjoying our time on the ranch.

The purpose of this post was to express my gratefulness. For so many years, I have been living (barely) in a bad marriage. And, as I said earlier, I originally planned the trip so my family could relocate me and the boys while we were gone. But, rather than taking the boys to live in a new place, we returned home. Though the time at the ranch didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, my son has such fond memories of it. Truth be told, I have wonderful memories, too. I can still see the boys wearing their boots and nothing else, running around and laughing loudly outside, as the rain came down in buckets. I am grateful my son looks back at the ranch with smiles and giggles. I am grateful my son remembers Larry and his pancakes, the two jack russell terriers jumping up, pulling a string and ringing the bell and Junior taking the boys for a ride in the truck to see the many horses, cows and bulls.

Though I have fond memories of the trip to the ranch, I also remember the main reason I booked the trip. And, I remember the struggles I had in my marriage prior to the trip, as well as the struggles after the trip. Now, nearly 2yrs later, my husband and I have a better relationship and a stronger marriage. The boys are older, becoming more independent with each passing day and we continue to have adventures, as a family. I am pleased my son had so much fun at the ranch, and I am thrilled he asks (often) if we can go back. The purpose of the trip was to start the process of ending my marriage; thank goodness, things didn’t work out as I had planned. I’ll take another helping of crow, please, while I sit next to my son and listen to his happy memories back at the ranch.

They have a pill for that

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

First, I am sitting at my local coffee joint, where they offer free WiFi and coffee served at a drinkable temperature. I absolutely love the fact that I can order a cup of coffee here and take a sip immediately, without scalding my mouth. Clearly, I am not sitting at a Starbucks. And, you will not find any ‘caution: contains hot liquid’ in this joint. Scalding is not the passion of this coffee house; instead, this place has a passion for providing wonderful coffee at the perfect temperature.

Ok. There is no second, so I should not have said ‘first’. Oh well.

I am certain there is a pill available to cure what ails me. This weekend I am battling all the symptoms that come with PMS. The worst symptoms of PMS for me are an increased lack of patience and anger/rage. Earlier today, I yelled at my husband for no good reason. Sure, I had several reasons at the time of my unleashing, but the sane side of me (which still exists amidst the crazy) knew my husband had done nothing wrong. In fact, the monologue of rage was completed, when I closed my eyes and came back to reality, calming stating what was real.

When not in the throws of PMS, I have come to accept my husband completely. This acceptance did not come easy, and it has only come recently. I no longer have major expectations of my husband. I accept the fact that he and I are different in many ways, and I see the value in our differences. (God knows, I could not handle him if he were crazy like me.) Perhaps more importantly, I accept my role in life. I accept how I respond to things, how I see things and how I have the ability to change my responses and perceptions.

I know my role in this life is to be the [main] disciplinarian in the house, to be the book and house keeper, to be the decision and appointment maker/keeper, etc. And, I know my controlling tendencies makes me a perfect candidate for the aforementioned roles. Also, I know that if any of these roles were to disappear, I would be lost. Yes, I would eventually find myself again, but I would miss the role I had played. I think I am good at my role. No. Scratch that, I think I am damn good at  my role. The best? Perhaps not the best; then again, for my life, I am the best.

One of  my biggest challenges right now is the affects of PMS. This is something that will occur every 28 days (or so) for the next 5 – 10 years. What’s worse, I hear the affects of menopause could be equally as challenging as PMS. And, as I said earlier, I am sure there is a pill I could take to ease the affects of PMS, but I’d prefer to find a pill-free way to cope. I’d like to find a medication-free way to deal with the crazy and keep my family from seeing the crazy.

I’ve had one friend suggest an IUD to help balance the moodiness. I’ve also had a friend recommend Yaz. I appreciate their advice. But, I am already living with the side effects of taking sertraline (Zoloft), which includes weight gain, restless leg syndrome, insomnia, etc. I’d rather not put more meds in my body and start battling more side effects. Plus, I do believe changing the natural chemistry of the body increases the chances of things like cancer, diabetes, etc.

I’m no Natural Nancy. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Natural Nancy (or Natural Nate, for that matter). Still, I prefer to keep my chemistry and hormone levels at its natural state. If I find I a become stricken with Cancer, rest assured I will sign up for whatever treatment is available to me. Until then, the human body is a miracle in and of itself. It throws all of us curves every now and again. When left to its own devices, though, the body heals itself.

So. Where does that leave me today? While I am overcome with a lack of patience and crazy frustrated with the slightest glitch in the day, what can I do to muster through it, keeping my relationships in tact? Suggestions? I’d love to hear what you suggest. I can tell you, coming to this local coffee joint is doing me good. The music in the background, the coffee and veggie and hummus sandwich are all good. I am guessing getting out by myself is a great way to control the crazy. I asked my husband yesterday, if he wanted me out of the house. Though I believe part of my husband wanted me gone, he told me he wanted me to stay. And, we made it through the day. We even took the boys to a park and spent some great time outdoors. Sure, even while enjoying the beautiful outdoors, I had moments of crazy crankiness, but we all lived, happily even.

Tomorrow is Monday. My husband and I will go off to work, and our boys will go to their day care provider. We’ll find time to ourselves, as we take part in the routine of the work week. I find solace in the routine of our work week. Perhaps by the end of the work week, this month’s PMS battle will be completed, with little to no casualties. In the meantime, please excuse me. I just received a refill of freshly made decaf coffee, and I’d like to sip, surf and enjoy. Good day.