Tag: Parenthood

That Sounds Familiar

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment
By Edward Koren

I’m confident that much of what you are going to read is not new. In fact, I may have mentioned some of these things in a previous post (or two). Regardless, based on the conversations that took place in the house today, I find the following lists timely (if only for me).

10 Things You Might Hear If You Have Kids

10. “My pajamas are wet, so I took them off.”
9. “No fair!”
8. “Mommy! He’s touching me, again!”
7. “But Grandma lets me do it.”
6. “Mommy, Joe is looking at me.”
5. “But, I wanted to sit there.”
4. “You’re a poopy head.”
3. “Butt. Butt. Butt. Butt.”
2. “Mommy, Charlie hit me.”
1. “Mommy, I can’t find one of my worms.”

10 Things You May Have Said If You Are A Parent

10. “Please stop rocking in your chair.”
9. “Leave your brother alone.”
8. “Don’t pull your shirt over your knees; you’re stretching it.”
7. “Don’t play with your food, please; eat it.”
6. “Because I said so.”
5. “Stop pouring the water on your brother’s head.”
4. “Don’t make me come in there.”
3. “No, really, the dog does not want to wear your pajamas.”
2. “I am going to count to three.”
1. “Aaak! There is a worm on the counter!”

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Round and round it goes; where it stops no one knows

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

It’s risky. Me writing this late in the day. The caffeine that gave me the pleasant perk of the morning is long gone. The chipper moods of the kids have changed to cranky,  while my energy level slowly sinks with the setting sun. What makes me think I have the wherewithal to write now? Then again, what makes me think I have the wherewithal to write at all on any given day?

Tonight, right now, I write as an outlet. I need an outlet. Don’t we all need outlets of some sort? Typically, my outlet consists of the delicious dairy delight called ‘ice cream’. However, because I am determined to be ice cream free for 40 days, I do not want to pacify myself with the frozen delicacy. So, I write. [Day 8, by the way. I’ve gone 8 days so far.]

Today, when I picked up my oldest from Kindergarten, his teacher informed me he had an ‘incident’. Seems my child became upset about something, and he threw a peppercorn at one of the teachers. Sports aside, throwing something at someone is not acceptable. Now, add to the fact that the peppercorn thrown by my child got stuck in the teacher’s ear, and well my child did not win any awards today. It’s a shame the “Peppercorn Toss” was last week.

My oldest has a temper. I have written about his temper in previous posts. And, as I have also mentioned previously, he gets his temper from me. My reaction to his behavior today was embarrassment at first. After quickly overcoming the embarrassment, I was sad. A temper is a horrible waste of energy, and the damage that a temper can cause is extensive. I don’t want a temper filled life for either of my boys. And, I hope this isn’t an indication of things to come.

I remind myself that my son is only five years old, as if there is an acceptable age to throw things. I tell myself that the art of peppercorn tossing is underrated. And, I doubt my son would be able to throw the peppercorn in the teacher’s ear, if he were to try again. Unless she is a TWEOUS, Teachers with ears of unusual size. But I digress. Oh, and before I forget, the peppercorn was successfully removed from the TWEOUS’ ear.

My son was punished for throwing the peppercorn. When we came home from school, he went to his room, where he spent the rest of the day. And, he wrote a letter to the teacher saying he was sorry for what happened. He lost a few other privileges as well, in hopes we drove the point home, without throwing him for a loop. (HA! Sorry, a little throw humor.)

The hardest part about tonight was my son’s frustration, once home. Upset he was banished to his room, he took the opportunity to yell a little, cry a little and pound a little. Okay, okay, so he did all of the above more than just a little. The thing that got me was his yelling, “Why don’t you love me?” “Why don’t you like me?” He was breaking my heart. And again, I remind myself he is only five years old. Wait. Five years old?! Why is he saying stuff like this at five years old? Where’s the ice cream. I need some ice cream.

After supper, things started settling down, well things settled some, okay things settled a little – okay fine, the banished one was still upset. I phoned a friend, and I started to tell her about my day. When I mentioned what the banished one had done, she laughed and said, “Oh, just wait. You’ll be able to laugh about this soon.” Then I heard crying on her end of the phone, causing her to ask “What happened?” She let me know that one of her kids had just kicked the other kid. And, we laughed. Laughter sure beats ice cream, at least calorically speaking. Peppercorns anyone?

The Myth of being Balanced

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

I confess, as I become stressed while embarking on the journey of putting my oldest in school and prepping for the financial sacrifices that are ahead of us, I just ate an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food. Seriously. In one sitting. Yes, I just finished eating an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. Some folks exercise when they are stressed. Me? I make quick runs to the grocery store, sing Richard Marx songs and eat ice cream (among other items of the junk food family). Oh, and I cut my hair. I am so glad I am normal. Or – wait. Is it abnormal? Whatever.

Entering this new phase of the school years is yet another balancing act of life. Of course, In my opinion, balancing is an ‘act’. It is a literal act that plays out on one’s stage of life, complete with lights and cameras. Aside from balancing a ball on your nose or finding balance while walking a tightrope, ‘balance’, as it is referred to by multi-tasking Moms and Dads, does not exist. And, trying to find the mythical ‘balance’ only makes one feel more out of balance. (Oh. Eating an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream puts your body out of balance, too. Sorry, I digress. Again.)

My life is pretty sweet now. I find I have time to tackle the tasks that need to be tackled. Ironically (not), I seem to lack the motivation to tackle the tasks. Moreover, when I tackle the tasks with little to no scheduling conflicts, it is easy to buy into the myth of being balanced. However, throw in some real life consisting of last minute changes, impromptu doctor visits, spontaneous car mishaps and a case of the Chicken Pox, and it becomes clear that the thing called ‘balance’ is best used when talking about ball or circus tricks.

Next week, and the four to six weeks that follow, will surely solidify my belief that the term ‘balance’, when applied to multi-tasking Moms and Dads, is a myth. While working, making it to various appointments, keeping the house stocked and cleaned, I will be taking my boys to swimming lessons 5 days a week for the next four to six weeks, depending on how fast they learn. Their classes are 10 minutes long, starting at 11:10 a.m. and 11:20 a.m. Though the time at the pool will be short, relatively speaking, it will create a ripple effect each day, which will make the next several weeks increasingly challenging. A prep for the school year, perhaps?

The days and time I work at my boss’ house will be altered, with me working later than normal. My later hours will require my husband to alter his work schedule, ensuring the kids are picked up in time from daycare. And, because my days and hours will be altered, the time at home to tackle chores will be discombobulated. None of the above discombobulations (new word) are earth shattering, but the discombobulations will leave me feeling out of balance. I mean, hello?! Where on earth (or in a closet) will I find time to consume a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream? When will I have time to eat a bag of Pirate’s Booty chips? And, when will I have time to cut my hair out of stress?! Seriously, folks. Next week, the mythical beast called ‘Balance’ will be blown to smithereens. [With the assumption that ‘Balance’ is a girl, I insert ‘A Girl Like You‘ or ‘Behind the Wall of Sleep‘ by the Smithereens here.]

As I brace for the impact of next week, becoming more involved in this new phase of life, I wonder how my family and I will keep it together. How often are you suppose to change the bed sheets and bathroom towels? Is it OK to recycle your underwear, as the laundry becomes backlogged? How dark can the ring around the toilet bowl get before it is considered gross? And, I have to attempt to find balance? Really? Not going to happen. Searching for ‘balance’ only leads to frustration. In fact, I think finding the Loch Ness monster would prove to be an easier find than balance. I hear Scotland is quite lovely this time of year; however, I won’t try to fit that trip into my schedule. After all, we have money to save, tasks to tackle and junk food to crave.

P.S. I have another pint of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer: Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream. Look, it was on sale 2 for $5. I had to buy two. And yes, you’ll find me eating the entire pint in the closet tomorrow, after having just registered my son for Kindergarten.