It started innocently. I just had a few errands to run before I took myself to a local coffee shop for some quiet blogging time. Maybe the crisp spring air and clear blue skies should have warned me of what was about to take place. Maybe I should have paid more attention to the fact that the kids were staying home with Daddy. Despite the signs, I was oblivious. I knew not what was going to happen.
I started my car, pulled out of the driveway and headed out of the subdivision. Without a second thought, I opened the sunroof and let the fresh spring air surround me in my car. Hindsight tells me the decision to open the sunroof was where the day took a turn. Continue reading “Dancing, Driving and the White-man’s Overbite”→
Question: Am I the only one who hears voices in her (his) head? No? I didn’t think so. Wait. Was that just one of the many voices in my head speaking? I’m so confused.
I’m not sure if I am feeling anxious because of the countless voices in my head, or if the countless voices in my head are trying to ease the anxiety I feel. Recently, while watching a program about ADD, I heard someone compare ADD to driving. When driving, the driver needs to focus on the road ahead of him/her, glancing at the rear-view mirror occasionally. However, those with ADD tend to become distracted with looking at the rear-view mirror and are unable to focus on what is ahead of them.
While driving home from work today, I realized the voices in my head are louder when I don’t want look at what is in front of me. On days like today, I don’t want to see the road ahead; instead, I want to look through the rear-view mirror and see what is behind me. I want the option to relive the happy times and reflect on the happy memories. And, by looking through the rear-view mirror, I have greater control with keeping myself in a happy place.
When I am looking back, I find music is the best way to recall the happy times. For instance, I was listening to some incredible music today. The music was off a CD I purchased years ago, consisting of cover songs performed by local musicians. Sadly, I loaned the CD to a friend, and the friend never returned it. Happily, I had friends with the same CD, and they made me a copy of it. Anyway, I found myself looking in the rear view mirror of my life, recalling some great memories, all triggered by the music.
I was in this same crazed-state of mind a few weeks ago, when my friend James was ill and nearing death. When he died, as Rob and I drove to Savannah for the burial, I needed a release from all the voices in my head and all the sadness I was feeling. I found listening to Ozzy Osborn’s ‘Crazy Train’ quite effective. Appropriate, eh? Yes, well, I also found a nice release listening to Evanescence’s ‘Going Under’.
Today, my friend is flying to North Carolina to be with her Mom before her Mom dies. And, as I type, my heart begins to race with the anxiety I felt when I did a similar thing over 16 yrs ago. Please excuse my repetitiveness, because I know I have written about this in a previous post or two…
I flew from Washington, DC to Atlanta, hoping to make it home before my Dad died. To this day, that flight was the longest flight I have ever taken because the time seemed to crawl. As I type, my friend is boarding a plane, carrying with her the same hope I carried with me. And, as I think about my friend, I become overwhelmed with sadness. Cue the music!
Today, four songs off the previously mentioned CD helped me drown out the sadness and/or distract me from the crazy. All of the songs off the CD are cover songs, originally performed by other musicians. The songs, Whole of the Moon, Weakness in Me, Piece of my Heart and The Dutchman, were performed and recorded live at Eddie’s Attic, a music venue in Decatur, GA. Eddie’s was a refuge of mine. A place I would go to hear some of the best acoustic music and hang with the best of friends. Prior to Eddie’s, these musicians, my friends and I gathered at Trackside Tavern. (Eddie managed Trackside before he opened his own place.) Great memories, and great additions to the soundtrack of life.
Have a listen:
(Whole of the Moon, originally performed by The Waterboys)
(The Dutchman, originally performed by Michael Peter Smith)
(Weakness in me, originally performed by Joan Armatrading)
(Piece Of My Heart, originally performed by Janis Joplin)
Andrea with her Mom, Dad, husband and kids, June 2010
My friend has reached her parent’s house by now. I hope to find out that she made it in time to have several good conversations with her Mom. And, when my friend finds herself overwhelmed with the road ahead, preferring to look through the rear-view mirror instead, I’ll try to help quiet her voices with a soundtrack of happy memories. I’ll probably start with one of Andrea’s favorite songs from the ‘old days’, Seal’s Crazy. It’s a perfect song for the soundtrack of life, because “we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”
I don’t remember where I was when I first heard “Your Ghost”, by Kristin Hersh (with background vocals by Michael Stipe); but, to this day, that song generates some serious memories and warm fuzzy feelings. *blushes*
I’ve already talked about the power of a song, so I won’t repeat myself . . . entirely. I continue to be amazed at the power of music and the power of a song. All week, our boys have been singing the songs on The Verve Pipe’s A Family Album. I sent off a Tweet to Kristin Hersh, wondering if she would do a kids’ album.
I was excited when I received a message back from Kristin, letting me know she recorded an album with her kids in the late 90s. The album, “Murder, Misery and then Goodnight” was not in my collection, but it is now. (Thank you iTunes!) And, don’t let the title of the album deter you from sharing it with the kids, after all the lyrics to the popular lullaby ‘Rock-a-bye baby’ aren’t exactly happy.
Psst… here’s her ‘Your Ghost’ song from ‘Hips and Makers’:
***
While busy doing everything and anything, with the exception of what needed to get done, I stumbled upon a website that sells watches for charity. Have I mentioned I love watches? Have I mentioned orange is my favorite color? Well, let me tell you now, I love watches, and orange is my favorite color.
So, when I stumbled upon HopeWatch, I was so excited. This was a perfect opportunity for me to rationalize spending money we don’t have to give to the greater good. And yes, I did rationalize the purchase, and I encourage you to check out the HopeWatch website, and ‘watch’ as they give back to the communities in need.
***
When the boys started using the potty, I rejoiced in the fact that we no longer had to buy diapers. When the boys moved into real beds, I rejoiced in the fact that we no longer had to deal with cribs. When the boys were able to dress themselves, I cried.
Joe, when he was 2yrs old, holding Giraffey tight. Today, as a 5yr old, he holds Giraffey the exact same way.
When I was done crying, I was on-call and ready to jump into action, if they ever requested my help. (And, I secretly hoped (and still hope) that they would ask for my help.) I was happy this week, when Charlie asked me to help him get ready for bed. As I was putting on his shirt, it dawned on me: we are nearing the end of the ‘T’ stage.
My days of buying clothes based on their age are ending. *sigh* Joe barely fits into 5T, and Charlie is nearly maxed on his 4Ts. This is serious stuff, folks. I’m not ready for big kid clothes. Kindergarten in August – and now big kid clothes? At least Joe still sleeps with his ‘Giraffey’. I don’t even want to think about the first night he goes without it.
***
In Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones says, “Why’d it have to be snakes.” Indiana Jones was not fond of snakes. Me? I love snakes.
This week, we spent one evening at our neighbor’s house. The kids had a blast having a water gun fight. Truth be told, the Dads had a blast, too. While the kids soaked themselves, my neighbor ordered pizza. When the delivery man drove up with the pizza, Noreen said to the kids, “Guys, don’t squirt the pizza man.” He thanked her.
We all sat on the driveway to eat our pizza dinner, while laughing and enjoying the evening. After dinner, the kids played for a bit longer, but the time came when we had to pack up and head home. I folded the chair I was using, walked into the garage to put the chair away, and noticed a very large – very large – Rat snake. Did I mention it was very large?
The kids gathered around to see the snake, and I was giddy with excitement. Long story short (too late), Rob and I were able to get the snake out of the garage. We watched as it made its way down the front yard and start ‘climbing’ up a tree. Which brings me to another snake story . . .
Two years ago, we were (again) hanging out with our next door neighbors. Jim, Rob and I were sitting on the front lawn, while the boys played. Suddenly, these critters start falling from the sky. Literally. We were started, and we did not know from where the critters were coming. One dropped right in front of me, and it started oddly and quickly crawling towards me. I screamed and stood up, quickly.
We soon realized what was happening. Flying squirrels. Flying squirrels were ‘flying’ and jumping out of a tree. It was the oddest thing. And, when a flying squirrel is on the ground running, it looks like a bat. Again – odd. But really, those critters are cute.
We wondered why the squirrels were jumping and flying from their home, so we walked over to the tree. As we got closer to the tree, we saw the source of the scurry. A long, black Rat snake had made its way up the tree and close to the hole, where the flying squirrels lived. Who knows, perhaps the snake we saw this week was the same one we saw two years ago. Clearly, based on its size, the snake has done well for itself.
***
And finally, today, the boys and I bid adieu to Michelle, their swim teacher. Joe and Charlie had their final swim lesson today. *sigh* Yet another stage in life has come and gone.
Joe, Michelle (the swim teacher) and Charlie
The boys and I have truly enjoyed the past four weeks, going to swim lessons Monday through Friday. From watching the initial fear of swimming change to a confidence and ability to swim to the car-ride conversations and singing of songs, we had a great time.
Both the boys and I had tears in our eyes, as we drove away from Michelle’s house one last time. However, we quickly recovered, listening to “Wake Up!” (Track 1 on The Verve Pipe’s Family Album). See?! Music has power. May your weekend be full of fun and music. Be sure to make time to sing a little song and do a little jig. Why not start your weekend off right by listening to this:
Lenore's Thoughts Exactly 