What is hiding behind that smile? Proceed with caution.

“How are we doing today?” The man asked, while dusting and cleaning the gas pump.

“We are doing so great today, I can’t stand it!” I replied enthusiastically and with a smile. In truth, I was cranky. Very cranky.  The day began with an unexpected and inconvenient change of plans. And, I was still reeling from a blow-up the previous night. I was tired, overwhelmed, unhappy and cranky. Continue reading “What is hiding behind that smile? Proceed with caution.”

Rainy Day Rambling

As I type, the Mid-Atlantic States are bracing for a winter storm. I have several friends and relatives in the area getting hit. Days like today, I wish we had cable, so I could switch between the cable news networks and the weather channel. I am such a geek when it comes to weather.

Wait. What was that I just heard? Ah yes. Several of you just clicked to another blog. *sigh* There aren’t enough weather lovers in the world.

[A friend of mine in Gaithersburg, MD just called me. The snow is starting to fall. She was describing how her youngest daughter (42″ tall) has fun playing in the several inches of snow. Forecasters are predicting 24 – 30″ of snow. This little 42″ girl will be plowing through snow nearly her height. I love it!]

I am trying to focus on something clever about which to write, but my mind is distracted by the pending snow storm. As the insert above makes clear. It is funny though, because last night and this morning, my mind was busy with all sorts of things I was going to share with the blogosphere. Not only am I like Rosie O’Donnell (see post in Observations category), but I am like the fish Dory in Finding Nemo. I am so easily distracted by anything and everything, especially shiny things.

Last night I had dinner with a friend of mine. I know she is breathing a bit nervously now, as she may be reading this post. She really doesn’t want me to tell you about she takes medication daily for depression and trying to rebuild her marriage. Oh wait. No. Sorry. That’s me. You can exhale now friend. (smile) I won’t talk about our views on The Bachelor or Modern Family. Nope, that is strictly between us.

It is becoming clearer to me that being emotionally and mentally healthy requires so many pieces and parts. Now, when you are in the grips of depression it is difficult to take the steps you know deep down will help. But, if you one or two good days and just go for it on a leap of faith, it is amazing how much it can carry you. And, I type that out with a bit of hesitation, because I’ve been so low in the past. And, it is easy for me to talk about taking steps and actually making steps, when I am not in that black hole. If anyone is reading this and they are in a black hole, I hope you will check back here frequently. I will try to light a match for you, in hopes you find one day where you can take that leap of faith.

The medication I am taking has made a huge difference in my life. And, I believe it has really kicked in at this point. And blogging. Wow. Writing to an unknown world is cathartic for me. Couple that with having dinner with my friend of over 30yrs, and it creates a formula for recovery. Plus, the fact that my husband and I are talking actively again, and if we have a spat – it is merely that – a spat. Though, for the record, my voice may be as loud during a spat as it is during a full blown argument. In my opinion, a spat is a spat when the recovery time is less than an hour and the discussion stated on topic.

I called my mum today to talk about our plans for bowling tomorrow. I let her know that my husband may not be joining us for the bowling adventure, but I assured her if he didn’t join us it was due to a welding project he is trying to complete. Understandably, she gets concerned if my husband doesn’t take part in family events. She knows we’ve been struggling. After I assured her that my husband and I were doing better, she provided me with a bit of unsolicited advice. (Moms are good at giving unsolicited advice. All moms. Me included, thanks.)

I was happy to hear her advice. I was happier to let her know how things were going for us and our marriage. And, I was happy to inform her about my blogging, my visits with my bestest friend for over 30 years and my outlook. God willing, this outlook will continue. Much like losing weight, you’ve got to stay active to lose the weight and keep it off. I have to stay active to keep the depression demons at bay. And, I have to stay active to keep my marriage on a good path. So, this blog isn’t going to the wayside any time soon. I’m not sure I’ve shared anything of importance today, nor am I sure if I have entertained. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter. I feel better having shared my rainy day ramble.