Tag: Memories

Life goes on

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment
My Dad wearing the cowboy hat he received for Christmas.

My Dad died in the early hours of February 5th 1994. I had flown home from Washington DC the day before he died. When I got to the hospital, my Dad was unconscious and on a respirator. Seeing him for the first time with all the tubes and machines attached to him, I screamed and ran out of the room. I was not prepared to see him in such a state. The last time I saw my Dad, which was September the previous year, he was healthy (so we thought). After I composed myself, I went back into his hospital room and talked to him as if he could hear me.

I went home with my brother and sister-in-law that night, and my sister-in-law woke me up around 1AM, letting me know my Dad had died. Some of my family went to the hospital to see my Dad one last time. I chose to stay at my brother’s house. My Dad was cremated, so my last image of my Dad is in the hospital. The siblings of mine that saw my Dad after he died are thankful for their last image. They said he looked peaceful. I suppose a part of me wishes I had made a different decision the morning my Dad died, though I can easily look at pictures of my father and erase the hospital image of him.

When my Dad died I was heartbroken. One of the toughest things to face was the fact that life continued. I was mourning. My family was mourning. My Dad’s friends and colleagues were mourning. Still, the world around all of us continued to move forward, as if nothing horrible had happened. I can remember driving down the interstate consumed with sadness, and I became so angry when I noticed other people laughing in their cars. How could they laugh at a time like this? Didn’t they know a great man had just left his world?

As I type this, many nameless people are mourning the loss of a loved one. Many nameless people are sitting bedside by a loved one, watching him or her battle for life. And, I know people who are battling kidney Cancer, seizures, Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes. These people I know are not nameless. These people are friends, relatives and loved ones. Yet, while all these people fight their battles, others are living a ‘normal’ and carefree life. I’m not suggesting we all become consumed with guilt, ever aware of the pain and suffering that surrounds us. Rather, I suggest we try to keep things in perspective, and we try to offer compassion to those that are suffering.

Today the death of celebrity Corey Haim is making the news. Corey died of an accidental overdose at the age of 38. He struggled with drug addiction for most of his life. And, I am certain Corey’s friends and family are consumed with sadness. I am also willing to bet that his family and friends are finding peace, knowing Corey’s battle with addiction has now ended forever. And, as they mourn, my life goes on uninterrupted. Corey’s death does not affect my life in any way, shape or form. Corey’s death does not change the fact that I have a friend who is worried about his newborn daughter, battling seizures since she was born on February 22, 2010. And, Corey’s death doesn’t change the fact that I am constantly thinking about my husband’s brother and his first cousin, who are  battling Diabetes and kidney Cancer. In fact, my husband’s first cousin recently found out the Cancer has spread and there is now a tumor on his one of his vertebrae. Finally, Corey’s death doesn’t change the fact that my sister-in-law is battling MS.

I believe it is also important to mention the people all over the world, continuing to recover from earthquakes, hurricanes, mud slides, bombings, war, etc. Haiti was in the news for several weeks after the devastating earthquake earlier this year. More recently, Chile was hit with a horrific earthquake. Is it just me, or have you noticed that the earthquake in Chile did not generate the same media storm or call to action as the Haiti earthquake? Does a  nation have to be incredibly poor to be worthy of help? The lack of attention Chile has received, compared to Haiti, seems unfair to me. Goodness knows, the world stopped for the people of Chile. Moreover, the world stopped for those around the world who had friends and family in Chile. In fact, I believe it is safe to assume that the world has yet to restart for many affected by the earthquake in Chile.

Again, my point in this babble is not to overwhelm you with guilt. Frankly, this blog enables me to express my own feelings about things that bother me in this world. My post is selfish, because I am able to stop my world for a minute, draw attention to the things that matter to me, giving me a sense of purpose. I believe I am also drawing attention to the nameless people who are in the midst of their battles, perhaps feeling invisible to the world around them. Via a friend on Facebook, I came across a blog created by a woman who recently lost her husband in a car accident. On December 29, 2009, I had a non-eventful and normal day. However, one woman from Texas was in a car accident on December 29, 2009, and her husband died as a result of that accident. In an effort to work through her grief and new life challenges, she is writing ‘Through the Valley‘. I encourage you to take a minute and read her story.

I hope you are able to enjoy a non-eventful and normal day today. Should you find yourself amidst a challenge, please know you are in my thoughts. No, I don’t know you, and I will not likely know your specific battle; however, I know you exist and I know battles are never ending. I know I wanted the world to stop for my me, my Dad and all those who loved him. So, I make it a point to stop my world daily, to think about those nameless people overcome with their own personal sorrow. And one more thing, would you please consider clicking on one of the following links and make a donation? Think of the nameless people who need your help. I am willing to bet you will get something out of it in return.  The American Red Cross; Partners In Health;  TOMS; The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society; Bethany Christian Services

Back at the Ranch

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

This morning, I was suppose to go to my boss’ house to work. Typically, the boys wake me up around 7am. I’ve come to enjoy them waking me up, so I rarely get out of bed before I hear the patter of their feet coming to my bedside. And, this was the case this morning, even though I needed to shower before heading out for the morning.

The boys greeted me, and my oldest quickly requested I turn on Curious George. As he sat down to watch the show, he asked me to sit and snuggle with him. My oldest is five, and I am aware that the snuggle time with my boys is limited, especially with my 5yr old. He rarely asks  me to snuggle with him. As I sat with my oldest, I knew I had things to do before I took them to daycare and myself to work. I needed a shower. I really needed a shower. Still, I was enjoying the time with my boys. The youngest asked to join us, so the three of us sat in a chair, snuggled and watched Curious George. And, I began to think of ways to skip the shower and enjoy the snuggle time. Thankfully, my boss was OK with me staying home today, we rescheduled for tomorrow and I continued snuggling.

On the way to daycare, we were talking about pancakes and maple syrup. Dad made pancakes for supper last night, and the boys loved it. My oldest remembered the time the three of us went to the Seventy-Four Ranch, in Jasper, GA. We ate pancakes at the ranch, too. He was reflecting about the trip to the Ranch and how Larry, the owner, was a good pancake maker. The boys loved playing with Larry, and the ranch hand, Junior. They also had fun hanging out with Menny, the foreman.

I loved listening to the boys talk about our trip to the ranch. The oldest has a better memory of the trip, because he was age three. My youngest doesn’t remember the trip all that well, as he was only 2 yrs old. The irony to my son’s happy memories comes from the fact that I took myself and the boys to the ranch to get away from my husband. I did not kidnap the boys. It was a planned week long getaway, with my husband’s permission (so to speak). While staying at the ranch, my family was going to help move my things out of the house and into a rental house I found. However, long story short (too late), my husband and I agreed to work it out while under the same roof. Still, the trip was booked, I had the time off work, and I took the boys to the ranch.

Back in August 2008 there were many hurricanes. Though the State of Georgia doesn’t get the full brunt of hurricanes, it does get wind and rain from recently demoted hurricanes. And, in the Summer of 2008, specifically the week of August 19th, it rained for two days straight. I was stuck at the ranch with two boys under the age of three, while it rained those two days. Actually, it rained for three or four days, I think, but I called my husband after the second day. Yeah, I was ready to leave the guy, and I called him and asked him to come save me. Apparently, I like eating crow.

So, my husband drove up immediately after work, spent the night with us and left for home later the following day. I can’t say we got along swimmingly when he came to help me, but we made it work. And, I could tell he liked seeing the boys enjoy their surroundings. In addition, I could see the boys liked sharing this experience with their Dad. Before he left for home, I asked if he would come back and stay with us on Friday, after work. He agreed, and the last couple of days were spent as a family of four enjoying our time on the ranch.

The purpose of this post was to express my gratefulness. For so many years, I have been living (barely) in a bad marriage. And, as I said earlier, I originally planned the trip so my family could relocate me and the boys while we were gone. But, rather than taking the boys to live in a new place, we returned home. Though the time at the ranch didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, my son has such fond memories of it. Truth be told, I have wonderful memories, too. I can still see the boys wearing their boots and nothing else, running around and laughing loudly outside, as the rain came down in buckets. I am grateful my son looks back at the ranch with smiles and giggles. I am grateful my son remembers Larry and his pancakes, the two jack russell terriers jumping up, pulling a string and ringing the bell and Junior taking the boys for a ride in the truck to see the many horses, cows and bulls.

Though I have fond memories of the trip to the ranch, I also remember the main reason I booked the trip. And, I remember the struggles I had in my marriage prior to the trip, as well as the struggles after the trip. Now, nearly 2yrs later, my husband and I have a better relationship and a stronger marriage. The boys are older, becoming more independent with each passing day and we continue to have adventures, as a family. I am pleased my son had so much fun at the ranch, and I am thrilled he asks (often) if we can go back. The purpose of the trip was to start the process of ending my marriage; thank goodness, things didn’t work out as I had planned. I’ll take another helping of crow, please, while I sit next to my son and listen to his happy memories back at the ranch.