Tag: Memories

Distracted by doughnuts

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

So, have you ever eaten something so delicious it caused you to sing out in excitement? A friend of mine would sing out with a loud ‘Aaaaaah’ whenever she was – well, let’s just leave it as my friend would sing out whenever she was excited about this or that.

This morning, while I was driving to work, I sang out. Loudly. I was the only person in the car at the time, though I don’t know if that makes my sudden outburst more acceptable or not.

Included in one of the boxes: lemon meringue and strawberry bismark (w/fresh sliced strawberries) doughnuts.

Why the sudden outburst of “Aaaaaaah!”? Because I was stopping by Dutch Monkey Doughnuts to pick up a few, well, doughnuts. When I walked into Dutch Monkey, the desire to burst out in song was great; however, I was able to maintain my composure.

I walked out of the doughnut bakery with a dozen freshly baked doughnuts. And again, when I was alone in the car, I raised my voice to the angels. Crazy, eh? Crazy good, I’m telling you!

My boss and I enjoyed both of the strawberry bismark doughnuts, with fresh sliced strawberries. And honestly, the bismark was so good, I wanted to stop by on the way home to get two more. ‘Tis the season to be gluttonous, right? Alas, I did not go back and get more doughnuts. I think a dozen is plenty.

Here’s the thing, my post today was going to be about parenthood. And yet, the goodness of Dutch Monkey overcame me. Overcame me. So, I had to share.

.|.

Our 5yr old is sick. He has had a fever since late Sunday night/early Monday morning. With the fever keeping Joe ‘down’, he has been more willing to cuddle with me. And, I have done my very best to milk his fever for all it is worth – with regards to cuddling, I mean.

Unhappy boy with his exhausted parents.

Yesterday, I was going through old pictures of Joe, with the intent of finding one particular one taken when he was a newborn.  As newbie parents to a baby that liked to cry, Rob and I were exhausted. The picture conveyed the story clearly, and I think it would have made for an excellent Christmas card enclosure. That is, if Joe was born in December. However, he was born in January,  and by the time his first Christmas came ’round, we were seasoned parents and I was pregnant with our second baby.

Because Joe is sick and I had the baby picture on my mind, I am reflecting back on my boys being babies. I remember when I was able to sit on the couch with them for hours, cuddling and napping. And, while I’m not looking to raise another newborn, I do enjoy recalling some of the memories of early parenthood.

Joe and his dog, Cherokee

In my search for the exhausted picture, I found another picture of newborn Joe. Looking more closely at the second picture, I noticed our dog, Cherokee. I think Cherokee liked the babies, too. Actually, Cherokee still loves the boys, especially when the boys are eating.

As I type, Joe is sitting next to me. If he were feeling 100%, Joe would be outside, coloring, building with blocks, playing with his train, etc. But, while feeling under the weather, sitting with Mom works for him. And, Joe sitting with Mom works for me, too! Maybe Joe would like to have a doughnut with me. I have plenty to share. Oh look! Here comes Cherokee.

Looking through the rear-view mirror with music

~ Lenore Diane ~ 2 Comments

Question: Am I the only one who hears voices in her (his) head? No? I didn’t think so. Wait. Was that just one of the many voices in my head speaking? I’m so confused.

I’m not sure if I am feeling anxious because of the countless voices in my head, or if the countless voices in my head are trying to ease the anxiety I feel. Recently, while watching a program about ADD, I heard someone compare ADD to driving. When driving, the driver needs to focus on the road ahead of him/her, glancing at the rear-view mirror occasionally. However, those with ADD tend to become distracted with looking at the rear-view mirror and are unable to focus on what is ahead of them.

While driving home from work today, I realized the voices in my head are louder when I don’t want look at what is in front of me. On days like today, I don’t want to see the road ahead; instead, I want to look through the rear-view mirror and see what is behind me. I want the option to relive the happy times and reflect on the happy memories. And, by looking through the rear-view mirror, I have greater control with keeping myself in a happy place.

When I am looking back, I find music is the best way to recall the happy times. For instance, I was listening to some incredible music today. The music was off a CD I purchased years ago, consisting of cover songs performed by local musicians. Sadly, I loaned the CD to a friend, and the friend never returned it. Happily, I had friends with the same CD, and they made me a copy of it. Anyway, I found myself looking in the rear view mirror of my life, recalling some great memories, all triggered by the music.

I was in this same crazed-state of mind a few weeks ago, when my friend James was ill and nearing death. When he died, as Rob and I drove to Savannah for the burial, I needed a release from all the voices in my head and all the sadness I was feeling. I found listening to Ozzy Osborn’s ‘Crazy Train’ quite effective. Appropriate, eh? Yes, well, I also found a nice release listening to Evanescence’s ‘Going Under’.

Today, my friend is flying to North Carolina to be with her Mom before her Mom dies. And, as I type, my heart begins to race with the anxiety I felt when I did a similar thing over 16 yrs ago. Please excuse my repetitiveness, because I know I have written about this in a previous post or two…

I flew from Washington, DC to Atlanta, hoping to make it home before my Dad died. To this day, that flight was the longest flight I have ever taken because the time seemed to crawl. As I type, my friend is boarding a plane, carrying with her the same hope I carried with me. And, as I think about my friend, I become overwhelmed with sadness. Cue the music!

Today, four songs off the previously mentioned CD helped me drown out the sadness and/or distract me from the crazy. All of the songs off the CD are cover songs, originally performed by other musicians. The songs, Whole of the Moon, Weakness in Me, Piece of my Heart and The Dutchman, were performed and recorded live at Eddie’s Attic, a music venue in Decatur, GA. Eddie’s was a refuge of mine. A place I would go to hear some of the best acoustic music and hang with the best of friends. Prior to Eddie’s, these musicians, my friends and I gathered at Trackside Tavern. (Eddie managed Trackside before he opened his own place.) Great memories, and great additions to the soundtrack of life.

Have a listen:

 (Whole of the Moon, originally performed by The Waterboys)

 (The Dutchman, originally performed by Michael Peter Smith)

  (Weakness in me, originally performed by Joan Armatrading)

 (Piece Of My Heart, originally performed by Janis Joplin)

Andrea with her Mom, Dad, husband and kids, June 2010

My friend has reached her parent’s house by now. I hope to find out that she made it in time to have several good conversations with her Mom. And, when my friend finds herself overwhelmed with the road ahead, preferring to look through the rear-view mirror instead, I’ll try to help quiet her voices with a soundtrack of happy memories. I’ll probably start with one of Andrea’s favorite songs from the ‘old days’, Seal’s Crazy. It’s a perfect song for the soundtrack of life, because “we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”

Once Upon A Time

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Typically, you’d find my Flighty Friday rambles here, as today is Friday. Alas, as the writer, I am taking liberties to change up the post for today.

.:: Once Upon A Time
I did it. I went through my entire list of 177 Facebook (FB) friends. I took a moment to write a nice salutation to each and every one of my friends. The entire project took 14 days, and I enjoyed all 14 days.

Oftentimes we are told: Look forward not backward; Live in the present; Don’t get bogged down with yesterday; Focus on today; etc. It’s true, you can do more with the present than you can with the past. And, rehashing bad experiences of the past does little to no good. However, sometimes it is nice to reflect back to the past. Good memories should be relived; so says me, anyway.

As I posted comments to each FB friend, I was able to relive countless memories. And, I am amazed at how much those memories mean to me. I haven’t seen or talked to many of my FB friends in years – over 30yrs for some, in fact. Yet, when I recall a memory, I can still see and hear their smiles and laughter. I can still recall the stories they shared with me, as well as the advice they gave me. And, when I remember moments from my school years, it’s as if I am walking the halls all over again.

The moments with many of my FB friends are merely blips in time, but even a blip can last forever as a memory. As I went through each and ever person on my FB friend list, it was another example of how easy it is to touch the life of someone else for better or for worse.

I have a temper. And, there is an email that went around for years regarding a boy with a temper who was instructed by his Dad to hammer nails into a fence whenever he was mad. Well, after a few days of being mad and hammering the nails, his Dad told his son to pull out the nails. When the nails were removed, the fence was full of holes. The point of the story is to show how anger can damage things, even when one apologizes. Holes remain.

Now, I am not trying to convey that some of my FB friends left me with holes. And certainly, I hope I haven’t left any holes in my FB friends (or anyone else). However, it brings home the point (nails the point, perhaps?) that even ‘blips’ in life can leave a mark. And, it serves as another reminder to me that I need to – while living in the moment – realize someone may look back and recall something I said or did. My hope is their recollection will be a good thing. I need to work on that.

I realized something else, as I went through each and every FB friend. I realized I had a crush on many boys in school. Yes, odds are that any of my male FB friends from school were a crush of mine. Are you one of my FB male friends from school? Did you talk to me in school? Did you look at me in school? Did you accidentally bump into me while walking down the halls or in class? Did I accidentally bump ito your while walking down the halls or in class? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, then I am here to tell you – I probably had a crush on you. Don’t worry. I am happily married, and my ‘driving by your house’ days have long gone by. And no – I didn’t drive by your house. You lived too far away. In our next life, would you please live closer? Thanks.

So, once upon a time, for a moment, I had a friend in my life. My friend left behind his/her personal imprint on my life. And, I have thought about that imprint a time or two, remembering the good times. I may never see my friend again, but I will reflect back on his/her imprint, happily ever after.