Tag: Family

This Summer Will Be Different

~ Lenore Diane ~ 2 Comments

Today, I walked to “The Point”, a place where I would visit as a teen with my friends and cousins. My cousin and I spent countless hours at The Point. It was our escape during our family’s annual summer vacation to the Shore, which is Amherst Shore, Nova Scotia, Canada.  After many years, I’ve returned, an adult with my own family, to a place where memories of my past summers continue to reside. But, before I tell you more about “The Point”, I need to tell you how I got from my home outside of Atlanta, Georgia to Amherst Shore, Nova Scotia.

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This summer I was determined to get us all back to the Shore for a couple of weeks to visit my family and friends. It is a trip we have taken two previous times as a family, though it is a trip I took with my parents seemingly every year from birth through high school. Our boys are in college now, so family trips are not as easily organized, because it competes with many other life obligations and adventures.

As we ventured out on the three-day drive North to the Shore, I constantly reminded myself that “this summer will be different”. And, if I am being honest, I tried to reassure myself of that reality in the several weeks leading up to the trip. In fact, knowing it was going to be different prevented me from fully committing to the trip until the day we pulled out of our driveway.

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Looking towards the cottages from a cluster of rocks formerly known as "The Point".

Looking towards the cottages from a cluster of rocks formerly known as “The Point”.

The Point was referred to by some as Pride Rock, because it was a large rock that jutted out of a bank, overlooking the water and rocks below it. Similar to Pride Rock in the Lion King, which overlooked the prairie. Finding either The Point or Pride Rock proved impossible, because years of natural erosion caused by hurricanes and harsh winters have changed the bank significantly. What exists now is less a Point and more a cluster of rocks in various sizes. As I explored the area, I looked for names carved in the rocks. It was a tradition to walk to The Point during the summer and carve your name in the rock, perhaps even mentioning the crush of the summer.  And while I found recent carvings of names I barely recognized, I did not find any of my carvings from years past.

These rocks were the rocks you wanted to remain in your life. These rocks made your life seem lighter and more enjoyable. Outside of the Shore, the rocks are heavier and weigh you down. It is different on so many levels, much like the memories I have neatly packed away of my past summers at the Shore.

Unpacking past summer memories here at the Shore includes times spent with my closest cousin, who no longer makes the trip, my Aunt Thelma, who died several years ago, and my Mom, as it is her favorite place. Unfortunately, my Mom’s memories of the Shore are quickly fading away. Her memory is being robbed by the rock of dementia, and she is no longer able to travel. So, while some of my siblings and cousins are at the Shore with me, my closet cousin, my aunts, and my uncles are not. And, while I am staying in my Mom’s cottage, she is not.

For better or worse I enjoy being at The Point and sitting among the rocks. There is a part of me who is stuck in my teenage years, and I like that person. I do not want to let go of her. But, for the first time in a long time, this summer has me feeling like I am becoming a new person. The Point, like me, has changed through the years and weathered many storms. We’re different now. And while I was dreading the trip and having to experience the sad “firsts” that come with getting older and losing loved ones, I felt the sense that I was ready to move forward. Because, again, I remind myself that this summer will be different.

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My Mom and I are similar in many ways – both good and bad. While at the Shore, Mum tended to stay at her cottage most of the day, enjoying her space and her solitude. When she ventured out, she would usually go see her sister down the beach. Aunt Thelma’s cottage was located “on the main drag”, which simply means many other cottages surrounded it. The cottages were filled with families who shared the same history – coming to the Shore time and time again, making roots and creating memories. Mum and Aunt Thelma would sit in the cottage, read the paper, chat, and enjoy the solitude together. Because it’s the Shore, there were periods of visiting with friends and families, as they walked by – or when the two would go down to the beach and walk the ‘bars’. The tides of Nova Scotia are extreme, and when the tide is out, many sandbars are exposed, setting the stage for long walks.

I have the same ‘solitude’ nature as Mum. I do enjoy being in her cottage, off the main drag. I do enjoy walking her property and smelling the fresh air, filled with salt and sweet hay. It’s peaceful. But I think my solitude nature exists because I am scared to venture out on my own. Meeting people and small talk are not among my favorite things. I quite suck at both. But, as I went on my walks, I found that I would stop to chat with people. And the more I walked, the more I would stop and chat. That was the biggest change for me this summer. Without my cousin, without my closest Aunt, and without Mum, I stepped out of one version of me and stepped into a new version, which – and this surprised me – seemed more authentic.

While I miss my cousin and my Aunt desperately, I feel like I rely (relied) on them for more than just friendship. They are (were) my security blankets. Now that they are gone, I am forced to rely on myself. And perhaps more surprising was the fact that even with three of my sisters at the Shore, I no longer felt the need to seek them for security.

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Even four months later, as I prepare this for posting, there is much to unpack from my trip to the Shore this past summer. I have a feeling I will be reflecting on it for years to come. For now, I am grateful I was able to connect with people I barely talked to in summers past. While it may have just a been a passing chat for them, it was so much more to me. I stepped out of my comfort zone – stepped out of the box that I either stepped in myself or was put in by others – and I was a more authentic version of myself.

Christa. Stefanie. Amanda. Lilia. Tanis. Luke. Vincent. Catherine. Loren. Peter. Michelle. Rachel. Kelly. Susan. Just a few of the names of people I have seen for many years over the course of my life, but I did not really ‘know’. I won’t say that I know them now, because one can only learn so much during a few short random chats. Still, I stepped into those random chats on my own accord, and that was a big step for me. Here’s to stepping out of more boxes.

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Summerside, Prince Edward Island: The setting for This Summer Will Be Different.

“This Summer Will Be Different” is a book by Carley Fortune, which I listened to as I strolled the sandbars and reminisced on past summers. A friend suggested I listen to the audio book, claiming it was the “perfect read” for my trip. The book takes place in Summerside, Prince Edward Island, Canada, which is the province directly across from and easily visible to us at the Shore. She thought the setting and family plot would fit along nicely with my family’s trip. Little did she know. While my life may not be as exciting as a fictional character, I found so much of myself in the main character: her love of Canada’s Eastern provinces, her complicated relationship with her mom, and the heartache she experiences when she loses her aunt, who was also her best friend. I might not have had a steamy love affair with a handsome young man (though my husband is handsome), but my love affair with the Shore was rekindled. Yes, this summer was different. It was exactly what I needed.

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Here’s a short video of the area around “The Point”.

P.S. Special thanks to my friend, Lana, who was my own personal editor for this post. She was also the friend who recommended the book. Thank you, Lana. I am grateful for the time and feedback you gave me, and I am really glad you recommended the book.

Stepping into New Year Resolutions

~ Lenore Diane ~ 2 Comments

I am not one for resolutions. I enjoy goals. I enjoy challenges. And, I like deadlines, because I like targets. But resolutions? Too much of a commitment. I feel anxiety growing at the mere thought of resolutions, due to the pressure I put on myself to keep to it.

As January 1, 2024 approaches, my social media is becoming increasingly filled with self-help posts related to resolutions. Admittedly, many have caught my eye, and I’ve contemplated making various new year resolutions. But as quickly as I contemplate, my anxiety grows, and my mind proceeds to fast-forward to every day in 2024 – the challenges in keeping said resolutions, the fear of failing, the aggravation of commitment, etc.

Sound familiar? I’m really asking. Does that sound familiar to you? Or, is it just me?

Looking back on 2023, I’m pretty OK with things. Which is good, because at this point – the past is the past.

There were some pretty scary moments for me. I was not always well. But I am still here, along with my husband, two kids, two dogs, and two cats. That’s pretty sweet. I know some that cannot say the same.

One big ‘win’ for me in 2023 actually started in June 2022. I started working out pretty regularly at a small Pilates/barre/yoga studio. I found the studio through a Facebook group, and through the classes I’ve attended and the people I’ve met in those classes – I’ve grown in many ways. Again, I’ve had setbacks, but I’m still here. While my family and close friends help to keep me here, the small community I found at Breathe challenges me to really stay focused on my own self-care. It’s really important one’s oxygen masks is securely on one’s self before they attempt to be present to or for anyone else. And, one could say that Breathe is my oxygen mask.

So, what does the above have to do with resolutions? Well, I think I am ready to make one. Actually, I think I am ready to make several.

Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones. Have you seen it? It’s a documentary on Netflix. Author Dan Buettner spent 20 years traveling to unique communities where people live extraordinary long and vibrant lives, while really just living their own normal life. Commonalities were found in the Blue Zones, including types of food eaten and an active lifestyle. In addition to those commonalities, they mentioned “Moai” and “ikigai”, which are my resolutions – not for 2024, but for my life going forward.

According to the website, Moai is a group of lifelong friends, and a social support group that forms in order to provide varying support from social, financial, health, or spiritual interests. I am thankful to have some lifelong friends, and I am grateful for all of them. But most of my lifelong friends are not close to home. I want to find a close group of friends that are close to me in proximity. I want to meet up with friends on a regular basis – small groups, coffee chats, workouts, walks, etc. My resolution is to work to make that happen.

Ikigai, according to the website, is an Okinawan word that means ‘a sense of purpose’.  To me, one’s purpose could be closely related to something for which they are passionate. And for me, that is writing. This blog started so many years ago, and I was very active with it. But, as my toddlers grew into school-aged kids, I didn’t have the time or mental bandwidth to write as much as I wanted. Now, my school-age kids are college-age kids, with one in the midst of his first year at university and the other starting his first year in August 2024. With this new season, I can feel my bandwidth starting to increase. I do say that with some trepidation. My full-time paid gig is pretty demanding. I work long hours, and I am not sure how I will manage my time to make time to feed my passion. That is what I have to do, though. I need to make it a priority to make time to feed my passion. This is a rewarding passion for me, whether there are readers or not. I feel really good right now, as I type this out. I miss this feeling. My resolution is to feed my writing passion.

That’s it. I have resolutions for 2024, and I am looking forward to the challenge. I am looking forward to the new season. Will there be anxiety? Sure. But I’ve managed it in the past. Will I definitely find my Moai? Maybe not. Will my ikigai stay lit? Who knows. These are two awesome resolutions that would benefit me in so many ways. For now, the thought of all the light that could come into my life if I find even a small fragment of success is all I need to get me started. And starting is the most important step.

See you in 2024!

A Bit of Release Before Dramatically Letting Go

~ Lenore Diane ~ 4 Comments

My Mom is in the hospital. She was admitted to the hospital on Monday of this week with what turned out to be 3 broken/fractured vertebrae and an urinary tract infection. Having worked with physical therapists within the hospital, walked with assistance and support of a back brace, and her infection under control, my Mom was set to be released today and moved to a rehab facility for a “short stay”. Unfortunately, this morning we found out she had an increased heart rate, and they canceled the plans of moving her to the rehab facility today.

I share the above to give you an idea of my current mood. To be clearer, some of the emotions I am feeling include anger, anxiety, fear, frustration, sadness, and tiredness. And though my Mom’s current situation may be the catalyst for this post, my Mom’s current situation only added an intensity to the emotions I listed. I was feeling those emotions before my Mom was admitted to the hospital.

Generally speaking, I am an active Facebook user. I have a Facebook page that I manage for my pet sitting business, where I post pictures of my dog and cat clients (sometimes reptiles and amphibians clients, too). And, with regards to my personal Facebook page, I enjoy checking in with family, friends, and a few acquaintances, seeing what folks are posting, and sharing my own thoughts, pictures, etc.. For the past year, many of my posts have been about racism, because I am very passionate about the Black Lives Matter movement, and I am actively working to live an anti-racist life. However, for the past week or so, I’ve not checked in with others via Facebook, and I’ve not posted pictures, thoughts, and/or articles.

For the record, I’m not a Trump fan. I didn’t vote for him when he ran and won, and I hope he never returns to hold a political office. In my opinion, in all the years that I have used social media, it was the worst place to be last year, and I believe the negativity was fueled by Trump and his supporters. I unfriended many friends and family members, because I was tired of the conflicts and what I perceived as hate speech. While I was unfriending them via Facebook, I didn’t consider it an end to all of these friendships, because many of these friendships were created before Facebook existed. That said, if I didn’t feel a need to reach out and connect with them in real life, and they didn’t feel a need to reach out and connect with me in real life, was it really a friendship?

There was a cartoon popular a few years ago showing a picture of a funeral home, with just a few people attending a funeral. The caption on the cartoon was something along the lines of, “I was expecting a larger turnout, because she had over 2,000 Facebook friends.” I’m a person that takes friendships seriously, and I’m not saying I am alone in that regard. But as I unfriended many Facebook friends, I was slowly coming to the realization that what I really wanted wasn’t Facebook friends but friends in real life. That’s sad, eh? Because before social media, we had friends in real life. Right?

For the past few days, when things with my Mom seem to be improving, I found myself once again scrolling through my personal Facebook feed just about every day. I didn’t post anything, and I “liked” or “loved” very little. This morning, while I scrolled, I grew increasingly frustrated with the division that continues to exist within my feed and my world of Facebook friends: Dr. Seuss. Masks. Biden. Trump. Cancel culture. Rights. Freedom. Claims one “is not racist because”. Questions of whether or not “cancel culture” is uniting or dividing. I find it all so sad. And when one is already sad, it doesn’t make sense to surround one’s self with more sadness. Plus, it pisses the hell out of me that the majority of the people complaining about a cancel culture are white. (It doesn’t surprise me; it makes me mad.) Plus, plus – having *not* engaged in the dialogue, the urge to engage has diminished. (I consider that diminish a blessing.)

I don’t know that my desire to become active again on Facebook will return. I will continue to update my business page, and when I write something for my blog – like today – I will share it on my personal page. But other than that? I’m out. No more “likes”. No more “loves”. No more engaging in posts. I think it’s time I get back to my writing, which is a better way for me to express and share my passions without getting bogged down by the distractions that fill one’s Facebook feed. And, I want to get back to more meaningful discussions with the people I interact with outside of Facebook. If you happen to be reading this and you are one of my Facebook friends, then the following message is for you.

If you need me – I’m here. If you want to talk – I’m here. Email me. Call me. Text me. Not sure how to reach me but we’re friends? Then I am sure you can find a way to reach me. If we have a friendship, then I’m not ending the friendship; if we don’t have a friendship, then I am no longer pretending to be friends. I’m tired of seeing my ‘friends’ in a light that breaks my heart. Truth is – my own personal life can break my heart, and that’s all I can handle right now. If you need me, you can still find me – just not on Facebook.

Do you find all of this a little too dramatic? Yeah. I can see it. But, I like to write. I like to express my thoughts. And this is my blog, so it’s the perfect spot to write and express my thoughts, dramatically or not.

Black lives Matter.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Peace.