Tag: Children

When it isn’t obvious

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

This past weekend, my family and I went to a pool party to celebrate a friend’s 2nd birthday. The party started late in the day – 4:30. And, as is typical during the months of August in Georgia, the day was hot and the humidity was high.

The pool provided the perfect place to find cooling comfort, assuming you wanted to be seen wearing your bathing suit in public. As for me? Yeah, no public viewings of bathing suit attire, thanks. (You’re welcome.) Thankfully, I had a friend who also chose not to share her body in a bathing suit to the viewing public. So, she and I sat, sweating, watching those around us.

One of the girls I noticed at the party seemed to socialize with folks in spurts. I chatted with her Mom briefly. Well, she chatted with me, actually. She was telling me how she would be open to having more kids, but her 45 yr old ‘well’ was dry. (Seems I’m not the only one to share too much information.) She pointed out her ‘baby’ to me, who was this boy with a body perfectly built to play a tackler in football. Come to find out, he is on the high school football team, and he is a tackler. She didn’t point out her daughter to me, though as the party came to a close, it was apparent the girl I had noticed earlier was her daughter.

Towards the end of the party, the hostess was cleaning up the leftovers. The girl asked for a cupcake, but the cupcakes had already been taken away and/or eaten. This girl, around age 12, became quite upset. She did not become the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory character, Veruca Salt, “I want a cupcake!” kind of upset; instead, she became intensely angry. Initially, I assumed her reaction was due to the intense heat and end of the day exhaustion, but I soon realized there was more to her behavior than heat and exhaustion.

As people began to leave, the girl became more and more agitated. She was screaming, throwing herself in the pool, biting her arm, running around, etc. Joe and Charlie watched her behavior, and I could tell the wheels were turning in their little heads. My friend let me know that her neighbor’s daughter was Autistic, which – of course – explained the irregular behavior.

I started gathering our things, and I let our boys know it was time for us to go. Suddenly, I noticed my oldest was starting to act out. His reaction towards me was out of character and mimicking (ever so slightly) the girl’s behavior. When we were in the car, I explained to the boys that the girl was not being bad, she was battling a disorder. But, how do you explain Autism to children? Autism is not an ‘obvious’ disorder or disability. Which got me thinking . . .

When I was in elementary school (during my 1st-3rd yrs), my Mom assisted in the Specialized Learning Development and General Learning Disability classroom. When my class was done for the day, I would spend the rest of the time waiting for my Mom in her classroom. I was exposed to special needs kids at an early age. And, whether by their walk, facial expressions or speech, their disability was obvious.

If someone strolls up to you in a wheelchair, her special need is obvious (generally speaking). If someone walks up to you with a walking stick and assisted by a K9, his special need is obvious (again, generally speaking). Sometimes, one can tell easily if another person has a special need; however, there are some disorders/disabilities that are less obvious. Autism, Aspergers, depression, manic/depression, controlled psychizophrenia, etc. How do parents explain the ‘accepted’ behavior of one child, which would be considered an ‘unaccepted’ behavior of another child?

While in the car driving home, I tried to explain to the boys that the girl was not misbehaving per se. (I didn’t actually say ‘per se’.) I tried to explain that she didn’t understand how to interact on certain levels, etc. And my oldest, who I yelled at for doing similar things he saw the girl do, said, “But Mom, she’s older than me. She should know better.” Again I ask, how does one explain behaviors of another, based on whether or not the person has special needs?

Saturday afternoon/evening proved to be interesting. My friend and I talked about situation this morning. Going back to my childhood, I don’t know that I fully understood the kids in the classroom where my Mom worked. To me, the kids were just kids who did things differently. But again, their differences were more obvious than the mental and emotional disorders faced by countless others.

Based on the reaction of my boys, they saw the girl at the pool as a ‘normal’ girl behaving ‘badly’, and their interpretation isn’t a bad thing. However, I found myself challenged on how to explain why it is “okay” for someone to behave one way, when it is not okay for another person to do the exact same thing, especially when the issue is not obvious through the eyes of a child (or the adult).

How do you put on your underwear?

~ Lenore Diane ~ 2 Comments

I’ve seen my boys dress themselves. Both boys sit down on the floor, when putting on their underwear and pants. They do not stand. It always humors me when I see them sitting on the floor putting on their underwear and pants. Silly kids, I think to myself.

This morning, as I was getting dressed, I stood up and started putting on my underwear. As I lifted one foot and went to place in the leg hole of the underwear, my foot got caught, and I lost my balance. Hmmm. Let’s try this again. Once more, I lifted my foot and carefully aimed for the leg hole of the underwear. Again, my foot got caught and I stumbled. Stupid underwear, I mumble to myself. Thankfully, the third time was the charm, if only because I held on to the sink counter for stability. [Oh hush, you.] Perhaps I should try putting on my underwear and pants while sitting on the floor.

You don’t have any problem maintaining your balance when you put on your underwear? Oh yeah? Well, don’t gloat, or I’ll give you a wedgie.

Back at the Ranch

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

This morning, I was suppose to go to my boss’ house to work. Typically, the boys wake me up around 7am. I’ve come to enjoy them waking me up, so I rarely get out of bed before I hear the patter of their feet coming to my bedside. And, this was the case this morning, even though I needed to shower before heading out for the morning.

The boys greeted me, and my oldest quickly requested I turn on Curious George. As he sat down to watch the show, he asked me to sit and snuggle with him. My oldest is five, and I am aware that the snuggle time with my boys is limited, especially with my 5yr old. He rarely asks  me to snuggle with him. As I sat with my oldest, I knew I had things to do before I took them to daycare and myself to work. I needed a shower. I really needed a shower. Still, I was enjoying the time with my boys. The youngest asked to join us, so the three of us sat in a chair, snuggled and watched Curious George. And, I began to think of ways to skip the shower and enjoy the snuggle time. Thankfully, my boss was OK with me staying home today, we rescheduled for tomorrow and I continued snuggling.

On the way to daycare, we were talking about pancakes and maple syrup. Dad made pancakes for supper last night, and the boys loved it. My oldest remembered the time the three of us went to the Seventy-Four Ranch, in Jasper, GA. We ate pancakes at the ranch, too. He was reflecting about the trip to the Ranch and how Larry, the owner, was a good pancake maker. The boys loved playing with Larry, and the ranch hand, Junior. They also had fun hanging out with Menny, the foreman.

I loved listening to the boys talk about our trip to the ranch. The oldest has a better memory of the trip, because he was age three. My youngest doesn’t remember the trip all that well, as he was only 2 yrs old. The irony to my son’s happy memories comes from the fact that I took myself and the boys to the ranch to get away from my husband. I did not kidnap the boys. It was a planned week long getaway, with my husband’s permission (so to speak). While staying at the ranch, my family was going to help move my things out of the house and into a rental house I found. However, long story short (too late), my husband and I agreed to work it out while under the same roof. Still, the trip was booked, I had the time off work, and I took the boys to the ranch.

Back in August 2008 there were many hurricanes. Though the State of Georgia doesn’t get the full brunt of hurricanes, it does get wind and rain from recently demoted hurricanes. And, in the Summer of 2008, specifically the week of August 19th, it rained for two days straight. I was stuck at the ranch with two boys under the age of three, while it rained those two days. Actually, it rained for three or four days, I think, but I called my husband after the second day. Yeah, I was ready to leave the guy, and I called him and asked him to come save me. Apparently, I like eating crow.

So, my husband drove up immediately after work, spent the night with us and left for home later the following day. I can’t say we got along swimmingly when he came to help me, but we made it work. And, I could tell he liked seeing the boys enjoy their surroundings. In addition, I could see the boys liked sharing this experience with their Dad. Before he left for home, I asked if he would come back and stay with us on Friday, after work. He agreed, and the last couple of days were spent as a family of four enjoying our time on the ranch.

The purpose of this post was to express my gratefulness. For so many years, I have been living (barely) in a bad marriage. And, as I said earlier, I originally planned the trip so my family could relocate me and the boys while we were gone. But, rather than taking the boys to live in a new place, we returned home. Though the time at the ranch didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped, my son has such fond memories of it. Truth be told, I have wonderful memories, too. I can still see the boys wearing their boots and nothing else, running around and laughing loudly outside, as the rain came down in buckets. I am grateful my son looks back at the ranch with smiles and giggles. I am grateful my son remembers Larry and his pancakes, the two jack russell terriers jumping up, pulling a string and ringing the bell and Junior taking the boys for a ride in the truck to see the many horses, cows and bulls.

Though I have fond memories of the trip to the ranch, I also remember the main reason I booked the trip. And, I remember the struggles I had in my marriage prior to the trip, as well as the struggles after the trip. Now, nearly 2yrs later, my husband and I have a better relationship and a stronger marriage. The boys are older, becoming more independent with each passing day and we continue to have adventures, as a family. I am pleased my son had so much fun at the ranch, and I am thrilled he asks (often) if we can go back. The purpose of the trip was to start the process of ending my marriage; thank goodness, things didn’t work out as I had planned. I’ll take another helping of crow, please, while I sit next to my son and listen to his happy memories back at the ranch.