Life goes on

My Dad wearing the cowboy hat he received for Christmas.

My Dad died in the early hours of February 5th 1994. I had flown home from Washington DC the day before he died. When I got to the hospital, my Dad was unconscious and on a respirator. Seeing him for the first time with all the tubes and machines attached to him, I screamed and ran out of the room. I was not prepared to see him in such a state. The last time I saw my Dad, which was September the previous year, he was healthy (so we thought). After I composed myself, I went back into his hospital room and talked to him as if he could hear me.

I went home with my brother and sister-in-law that night, and my sister-in-law woke me up around 1AM, letting me know my Dad had died. Some of my family went to the hospital to see my Dad one last time. I chose to stay at my brother’s house. My Dad was cremated, so my last image of my Dad is in the hospital. The siblings of mine that saw my Dad after he died are thankful for their last image. They said he looked peaceful. I suppose a part of me wishes I had made a different decision the morning my Dad died, though I can easily look at pictures of my father and erase the hospital image of him.

When my Dad died I was heartbroken. One of the toughest things to face was the fact that life continued. I was mourning. My family was mourning. My Dad’s friends and colleagues were mourning. Still, the world around all of us continued to move forward, as if nothing horrible had happened. I can remember driving down the interstate consumed with sadness, and I became so angry when I noticed other people laughing in their cars. How could they laugh at a time like this? Didn’t they know a great man had just left his world?

As I type this, many nameless people are mourning the loss of a loved one. Many nameless people are sitting bedside by a loved one, watching him or her battle for life. And, I know people who are battling kidney Cancer, seizures, Multiple Sclerosis and Diabetes. These people I know are not nameless. These people are friends, relatives and loved ones. Yet, while all these people fight their battles, others are living a ‘normal’ and carefree life. I’m not suggesting we all become consumed with guilt, ever aware of the pain and suffering that surrounds us. Rather, I suggest we try to keep things in perspective, and we try to offer compassion to those that are suffering.

Today the death of celebrity Corey Haim is making the news. Corey died of an accidental overdose at the age of 38. He struggled with drug addiction for most of his life. And, I am certain Corey’s friends and family are consumed with sadness. I am also willing to bet that his family and friends are finding peace, knowing Corey’s battle with addiction has now ended forever. And, as they mourn, my life goes on uninterrupted. Corey’s death does not affect my life in any way, shape or form. Corey’s death does not change the fact that I have a friend who is worried about his newborn daughter, battling seizures since she was born on February 22, 2010. And, Corey’s death doesn’t change the fact that I am constantly thinking about my husband’s brother and his first cousin, who are  battling Diabetes and kidney Cancer. In fact, my husband’s first cousin recently found out the Cancer has spread and there is now a tumor on his one of his vertebrae. Finally, Corey’s death doesn’t change the fact that my sister-in-law is battling MS.

I believe it is also important to mention the people all over the world, continuing to recover from earthquakes, hurricanes, mud slides, bombings, war, etc. Haiti was in the news for several weeks after the devastating earthquake earlier this year. More recently, Chile was hit with a horrific earthquake. Is it just me, or have you noticed that the earthquake in Chile did not generate the same media storm or call to action as the Haiti earthquake? Does a  nation have to be incredibly poor to be worthy of help? The lack of attention Chile has received, compared to Haiti, seems unfair to me. Goodness knows, the world stopped for the people of Chile. Moreover, the world stopped for those around the world who had friends and family in Chile. In fact, I believe it is safe to assume that the world has yet to restart for many affected by the earthquake in Chile.

Again, my point in this babble is not to overwhelm you with guilt. Frankly, this blog enables me to express my own feelings about things that bother me in this world. My post is selfish, because I am able to stop my world for a minute, draw attention to the things that matter to me, giving me a sense of purpose. I believe I am also drawing attention to the nameless people who are in the midst of their battles, perhaps feeling invisible to the world around them. Via a friend on Facebook, I came across a blog created by a woman who recently lost her husband in a car accident. On December 29, 2009, I had a non-eventful and normal day. However, one woman from Texas was in a car accident on December 29, 2009, and her husband died as a result of that accident. In an effort to work through her grief and new life challenges, she is writing ‘Through the Valley‘. I encourage you to take a minute and read her story.

I hope you are able to enjoy a non-eventful and normal day today. Should you find yourself amidst a challenge, please know you are in my thoughts. No, I don’t know you, and I will not likely know your specific battle; however, I know you exist and I know battles are never ending. I know I wanted the world to stop for my me, my Dad and all those who loved him. So, I make it a point to stop my world daily, to think about those nameless people overcome with their own personal sorrow. And one more thing, would you please consider clicking on one of the following links and make a donation? Think of the nameless people who need your help. I am willing to bet you will get something out of it in return.  The American Red Cross; Partners In HealthTOMS; The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society; Bethany Christian Services

Murphy-Harpst

Are you thinking about making a monetary donation to a charity this month or in the near future? If so, I’d like you to consider the Murphy-Harpst. This is a non-profit organization helping children and youth with emotional and/or behavioral problems.

The funding for this organization has been affected severely by the economy. If you have enough to share, these children could use your help. Thanks.

The Murphy-Harpst Children’s Centers

Ellie the Elephant

My beloved 'Ellie the Elephant'

My boss is in the midst of Project Clean Sweep. She and her family are going through all their things, passing the good to charity and the bad to trash. I am helping with the project, recycling what can be recycled and taking the donations to the various organizations accepting what they have to offer.

Now, this may sound silly to some, but I am certain some of you will be able to relate to what I am about to discuss. You see, my boss has a 13yr old daughter. And, this girl has gathered quite a collection of stuffed animals over her 13yrs. But, she has also come to a point where she is ready to let go of some of her animals. Getting to the point of being ready to let go wasn’t easy for her. A few tears were shed, when she realized she had to literally pick the ones to send away. And, she really felt like she was sending them away. Because, to this 13yr old girl, these were more than stuffed animals. These animals were her friends.

She would talk to the animals; and, in her mind, the animals would talk to her. As far as she was concerned, she was Andy from Toy Story. Unlike Andy, however, she knew her animals were alive. She wanted to make sure her animals were going to be loved as much as she loved them. She remembered the Goodwill scene in Toy Story II, where Jessie sits on the shelves, lonely and sad. This 13yr old girl didn’t want her animals to be sad.

When my boss shared this story with me, she asked me if I thought that was silly. I think I surprised my boss when I said I didn’t find it silly. In fact, I shared a story of my own with my boss. Because, like her daughter, I believed my animals were alive. ‘I LeMutt adore you’, ‘Winston’, ‘Elliot – Pete’s Dragon’, the Snuggle bear from the Snuggle Fabric Softner commercial and of course, ‘Ellie the Elephant’. I have others, but those five meant the most to me. One day I left the house without Ellie, that was not a good day.

With absolutely no embarrassment I share the following story: My parents spent the Summers in Amherst, Nova Scotia. My mom would drive from GA to Amherst and stay the full Summer. In August, my Dad would fly up and drive back with us. During the Summer of 1982, I was 13. My Mom and I left the house and headed North. I remember driving through a city in South Carolina when I realized what I had done. I was frozen. My heart sank, and I didn’t know how I was going to manage. Then a song came on the radio, “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” by Chicago. I sobbed. Sobbed. Why? Because I realized I left Ellie – my prized Ellie the Elephant at home. Ellie and I would be separated for over two months. And, in my heart, I sang (and sobbed) the song ‘Hard to Say I’m Sorry’ to Ellie. A long distance dedication, if you will. (giggle) And, I believed that Ellie was sad, too.

I am happy to say I made it through the Summer without Ellie. And, I am thankful I had younger cousins, so I could borrow one of their stuffed animals to get me through. [Insert Barry Manilow’s ‘Made it Through the Rain’ Here]  And, when I got home, you bet your bottom dollar, I hugged Ellie for a very long time.

My boys have their favorite stuffed animals, and I suspect they will keep them close for years to come. I will certainly encourage my boys to give to charity, especially if  their zoo of stuff animals ever becomes overcrowded. And, I don’t know that my boys will still be clinging to their stuffed animals when they reach the age of 13. But, I do know I will let them cling to their special friend as long as they want.

Where is ‘Ellie the Elephant’, you ask? He’s on my bed.