Category: Junk Drawer

Whose Phase Is It Anyway?

~ Lenore Diane ~ 4 Comments

When I created the category ‘Phase 3 of X on my blog’, my intent was to focus on the phases experienced by Joe and Charlie. The boys have traveled through the infant phase and toddler phase, and now Joe has entered the Kindergarten phase. As a result, I wanted a place to write about the various cycles and developments. However, as the 2nd week of Kindergarten comes to a close, I can’t help but ask, “Whose phase is it anyway?”

Joe’s first day was uneventful. The days that followed his first day were equally uneventful; that is, the time he spent at a new school and in a new environment were uneventful. At home? Not so uneventful. And, this is the part where I step in and realize, I have entered a new phase; it is called the ‘My child is home with me more’ phase. Um. How long will this phase last?

Yeah, I’ve already written about having to adjust to working at home with a child in the house. But, what about not working at home with a child in the house? Though I am readily available for my boss and coworkers 8hrs a day Monday – Friday, I have a great deal of ‘free’ time to tackle chores and – frankly – do nothing.  And, when my kids were in day-care, they spent a full day in day-care (8am – 5pm). When I got the boys home, I’d have them in bed within 3hrs. So, aside from weekends, there wasn’t much time (or cause) for trouble and discipline.

Earlier this week, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine. She was laughing at me and teasing me about my cushy (time-wise) life of having the boys gone a full day, while I was home working a flexible job. And now – NOW I have a kid with me from 2:30 until bedtime. ACK! What?! I actually have to take care of my kid more than three hours a weekday? Seriously? I suppose you are going to tell me I have to interact with my child, too.

Thank goodness, at least for one more year, I don’t have to pick up my 2nd child until 5pm. I cannot imagine being home with both boys for for so many hours prior to bedtime. I mean, after I give my job 5hrs in a day, I have enough flexibility to do whatever I want with the remaining day (provided my boss can reach me). Just last month, I spent many hours watching and enjoying several movies in the afternoon before picking the boys up at daycare. Now how will I get through my queue of 314 movies on Netflix? Huh? And, they are just about to release the 2009 season of Dexter! When am I suppose to fit that in the schedule? Hmmm … is it wrong to have a 5yr old child watch a drama about a serial killer who only kills serial killers? At least Dexter is killing mean people, right?

And Oprah. This is Oprah’s last season! How am I going to watch O-o-0-o-oprah, when my kid is home with me?! Craziness people. Whose phase is this anyway? And, how long does it last?

Now if you’ll excuse me, my son has homework. We have to read a book together; rather he has to read the book, and I have to observe. You’d think the school would send home something more interesting like “Kiss Me If You Can” by Carly Phillips. But no, we have to read “Babe, the Big Hit” about an elephant in a circus, and I’m guessing there will be no romance. Maybe next week?

One of the Hardest Parts of the Job

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

Dear Blogary,

I need to vent, please. Yesterday afternoon, I told my son he had to stay in his room, because he did not follow directions. Though I repeated the directions a second time (with the ‘staying in your room’ warning), he decided to throw a toy at me and not comply with the directions.

Blogary, I haven’t a clue where he gets his temper. Oh wait. Yeah. That would be from me. Thanks.

I told my 5yr old he could come out of his room once everything was picked up and put away. Though fits could be heard through the shut door, he did complete the task. When he came out of his room, he went to the kitchen, where Daddy and Charlie were making pancakes for supper.

“Daddy, will you make me some chick’n nuggets?” Joe asked. (Point of fact: We eat soy nuggets. VeggiePatch brand. Quite tasty!)

Daddy said “No.” With Daddy’s response, down went Joe with another fit flare-up. Joe claimed we asked Charlie what he wanted for supper, but we did not ask Joe. Blah, blah, blah, Blogary. And, no, we did not ask Charlie what he wanted for supper.

While Joe is in the midst of another fit, I will share with you, Blogary – Joe misses his naps. He has not adjusted to a full day of school without a nap. Last Monday was another example of several melt-downs, triggered by exhaustion. I am quite confident, Blogary, Joe’s behavior last night was directly tied to a weekend of fun, followed by a full day on Monday with no ‘down time’.

Anyway, Joe’s fit continued. “Joe.” I said. “Get up, and go back to your room.”

“No!” He said.

“Joe. Get up now, and go to your room, or you will go to bed without supper.”

Blogary, I knew Joe was tired, but I also knew this kind of behavior needed to be addressed. This kind of behavior is – to quote Super Nanny – “Unacceptable.”

Again, Joe said ‘no’. So, I got hold of his arm, stood him up and started walking him to his room. As we passed the fridge, he took his other hand and brushed off the magnets and pictures in a huff. I stopped.

“Joe. Pick those up.” Blogary, you already know what Joe’s response was, eh?

“Joe,” I continue, because he said ‘no’. “You will pick them up now, or you will go straight to your room when you get home from school tomorrow.”

Cue Joe’s response: “No.”

“Joe. I’m setting the timer. You will pick up the mess and get to your room before the timer goes off or you will go to bed without supper tomorrow, too.” Too much perhaps, Blogary?! Meh.

Crying, Joe started to clean up and head to his room. And, he stayed in his room the rest of the day. Though, that was not the last we heard of Joe, as he continued pitching fits in the privacy of his own room.

Blogary, at one point, I went to Joe’s room, letting him know there would be consequences if he continued to slam the door on his captain’s bed. Then I went back to join Daddy and Charlie at the dinner table, with dinner already in progress.

As I sat down, I smiled at Rob and said, “Have I earned an excuse to drive to P-U-B-L-I-X?” (Publix is a grocery store chain that sells Ben &  Jerry’s S’mores ice cream. And, I spelled it, because Charlie would understand what I was wanting.)

Rob smiled back at me and said, “Not only have you earned it. Your ‘Gopher’ will gladly go get it for you.”

Now please understand, I am not trying to say that I earned ice cream because I reprimanded and punished my child. The purpose of getting the ice cream was to calm my frazzled nerves. I don’t know a Mom in the world that enjoys hearing their child pitch fits. And, in my opinion, whether the fit is warranted or not – the crying and sadness tugs at my heartstrings. I’ve heard the saying several times, “You are only as happy as your unhappiest child.” Well, my child was not happy last night, I was not happy last night, and ice cream could have served as a numbing agent (for both of us, actually).

Joe eventually calmed down and fell asleep, and I worked my way through the emotions without resorting to food. This morning, Joe and I started the day fresh. He will go straight to his room when he gets home from school. However, he will be invited to join the family at the dinner table for supper. I don’t want to go through two nights (in a row) of missed dinners.

Anyway, thanks for listening, Blogary.

Love,
Me

When it isn’t obvious

~ Lenore Diane ~ Leave a comment

This past weekend, my family and I went to a pool party to celebrate a friend’s 2nd birthday. The party started late in the day – 4:30. And, as is typical during the months of August in Georgia, the day was hot and the humidity was high.

The pool provided the perfect place to find cooling comfort, assuming you wanted to be seen wearing your bathing suit in public. As for me? Yeah, no public viewings of bathing suit attire, thanks. (You’re welcome.) Thankfully, I had a friend who also chose not to share her body in a bathing suit to the viewing public. So, she and I sat, sweating, watching those around us.

One of the girls I noticed at the party seemed to socialize with folks in spurts. I chatted with her Mom briefly. Well, she chatted with me, actually. She was telling me how she would be open to having more kids, but her 45 yr old ‘well’ was dry. (Seems I’m not the only one to share too much information.) She pointed out her ‘baby’ to me, who was this boy with a body perfectly built to play a tackler in football. Come to find out, he is on the high school football team, and he is a tackler. She didn’t point out her daughter to me, though as the party came to a close, it was apparent the girl I had noticed earlier was her daughter.

Towards the end of the party, the hostess was cleaning up the leftovers. The girl asked for a cupcake, but the cupcakes had already been taken away and/or eaten. This girl, around age 12, became quite upset. She did not become the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory character, Veruca Salt, “I want a cupcake!” kind of upset; instead, she became intensely angry. Initially, I assumed her reaction was due to the intense heat and end of the day exhaustion, but I soon realized there was more to her behavior than heat and exhaustion.

As people began to leave, the girl became more and more agitated. She was screaming, throwing herself in the pool, biting her arm, running around, etc. Joe and Charlie watched her behavior, and I could tell the wheels were turning in their little heads. My friend let me know that her neighbor’s daughter was Autistic, which – of course – explained the irregular behavior.

I started gathering our things, and I let our boys know it was time for us to go. Suddenly, I noticed my oldest was starting to act out. His reaction towards me was out of character and mimicking (ever so slightly) the girl’s behavior. When we were in the car, I explained to the boys that the girl was not being bad, she was battling a disorder. But, how do you explain Autism to children? Autism is not an ‘obvious’ disorder or disability. Which got me thinking . . .

When I was in elementary school (during my 1st-3rd yrs), my Mom assisted in the Specialized Learning Development and General Learning Disability classroom. When my class was done for the day, I would spend the rest of the time waiting for my Mom in her classroom. I was exposed to special needs kids at an early age. And, whether by their walk, facial expressions or speech, their disability was obvious.

If someone strolls up to you in a wheelchair, her special need is obvious (generally speaking). If someone walks up to you with a walking stick and assisted by a K9, his special need is obvious (again, generally speaking). Sometimes, one can tell easily if another person has a special need; however, there are some disorders/disabilities that are less obvious. Autism, Aspergers, depression, manic/depression, controlled psychizophrenia, etc. How do parents explain the ‘accepted’ behavior of one child, which would be considered an ‘unaccepted’ behavior of another child?

While in the car driving home, I tried to explain to the boys that the girl was not misbehaving per se. (I didn’t actually say ‘per se’.) I tried to explain that she didn’t understand how to interact on certain levels, etc. And my oldest, who I yelled at for doing similar things he saw the girl do, said, “But Mom, she’s older than me. She should know better.” Again I ask, how does one explain behaviors of another, based on whether or not the person has special needs?

Saturday afternoon/evening proved to be interesting. My friend and I talked about situation this morning. Going back to my childhood, I don’t know that I fully understood the kids in the classroom where my Mom worked. To me, the kids were just kids who did things differently. But again, their differences were more obvious than the mental and emotional disorders faced by countless others.

Based on the reaction of my boys, they saw the girl at the pool as a ‘normal’ girl behaving ‘badly’, and their interpretation isn’t a bad thing. However, I found myself challenged on how to explain why it is “okay” for someone to behave one way, when it is not okay for another person to do the exact same thing, especially when the issue is not obvious through the eyes of a child (or the adult).